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Late diagnosis, nothing prepared me for this

PuddingKenma

Hello everyone,

Im 25F and was diagnosed this month after a lifetime of struggling and confusion.

My diagnosis has left me feeling mostly happy- someone has had the patience to listen, and recognises my struggles without dismissing me. It gives me more confidence because I spent so long being told "there's nothing wrong with her she's just badly behaved" it just became the default for me to think I just had a really bad attitude, but not being able to help it.

What I'm really struggling with is the anger and resentment I feel towards family and the adults I was supposed to be protected by growing up. I feel so angry that nobody cared enough to notice or raise a flag that maybe there was something up with me?

I can't stop asking myself things like "Did my parents honestly think this was normal?" or "Weren't my teachers supposed to be trained to pick up on students that seem heavily isolated and have difficulties?"

Has anyone else had to sit with feelings like this after diagnosis? I hope over time it will subside, but the more things click into place for me and start making sense, the less it makes sense that I went this long without help.

Parents

  • Congratulations on your diagnosis. 25 is young and you have a whole life ahead. I was 56 when I worked it out and was diagnosed.

    Tony Attwood (his books and you tube videos are worth a look) points out that it is common place for late diagnosed people to initially feel elated as they suddenly realise who they for the first time, but sometimes later get depressed because they realise so many things during the years they didn't know could have been so different.

    But, I would encourage you to bare in mind a couple of things: diagnosing girls, especially if bright, especially if they mask is hard. Only in recent years have the subtler presentation been more closely studied. Most mental health professionals are still missing it when it is glaringly obvious once you know. They missed me even though the hallmarks of my autism was stamped all over my every interaction with them.

    My boss is an experienced teacher. He's worked with and championed many autistic kids. When I told him, his response was; 'ah, Dawn. We always miss the girls, while the 'boys melt down and throw chairs across the classroom, no one sees the girls quietly shutting down at the back of the room'. As for parents; my mother cried the day I showed her my diagnosis. She said she knew there was something, but the school wouldn't listen to her. She was grieving because I never had help. And yet autism still hadn't crossed her mind even though my Dad's family is rife with it.  I had to reassure her Dr Wing didn't even make the connection between Kanner's and Asperger's autism until 1981, when I was 16. NO ONE could have known then.  STILL, not enough professionals have enough knowledge to see, so what chance do many lay people parents have? My mother did her best to defend me, but COULD NOT have known.

    You have every right to grieve for the lost years, when you could have known, could have been understood, could have had your needs met, could have done things differently. Scream, cry, feel it and let it go.

    I hope then you see that you have maybe three quarters of your life ahead, and now you DO know, you can create the life you want, maximise your autistic strengths, decide how you want to deal with your autistic vulnerabilities and be part of what will make things better for the girls and other subtler presentations who follow us.

    Your feelings are normal, but the future can be brighter now x

Reply

  • Congratulations on your diagnosis. 25 is young and you have a whole life ahead. I was 56 when I worked it out and was diagnosed.

    Tony Attwood (his books and you tube videos are worth a look) points out that it is common place for late diagnosed people to initially feel elated as they suddenly realise who they for the first time, but sometimes later get depressed because they realise so many things during the years they didn't know could have been so different.

    But, I would encourage you to bare in mind a couple of things: diagnosing girls, especially if bright, especially if they mask is hard. Only in recent years have the subtler presentation been more closely studied. Most mental health professionals are still missing it when it is glaringly obvious once you know. They missed me even though the hallmarks of my autism was stamped all over my every interaction with them.

    My boss is an experienced teacher. He's worked with and championed many autistic kids. When I told him, his response was; 'ah, Dawn. We always miss the girls, while the 'boys melt down and throw chairs across the classroom, no one sees the girls quietly shutting down at the back of the room'. As for parents; my mother cried the day I showed her my diagnosis. She said she knew there was something, but the school wouldn't listen to her. She was grieving because I never had help. And yet autism still hadn't crossed her mind even though my Dad's family is rife with it.  I had to reassure her Dr Wing didn't even make the connection between Kanner's and Asperger's autism until 1981, when I was 16. NO ONE could have known then.  STILL, not enough professionals have enough knowledge to see, so what chance do many lay people parents have? My mother did her best to defend me, but COULD NOT have known.

    You have every right to grieve for the lost years, when you could have known, could have been understood, could have had your needs met, could have done things differently. Scream, cry, feel it and let it go.

    I hope then you see that you have maybe three quarters of your life ahead, and now you DO know, you can create the life you want, maximise your autistic strengths, decide how you want to deal with your autistic vulnerabilities and be part of what will make things better for the girls and other subtler presentations who follow us.

    Your feelings are normal, but the future can be brighter now x

Children
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