I am typing this with strength( mental) and also with tears in my eyes to mention the experiences that I have faced with my autism and how hard it has been.
Firstly I was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 13 which was a late diagnosis but the end of the day people sort of picked up on my inappropriate behaviours or whatever the staff in my schools said. Sadly my life feels like it getting more challenging and although I am still here breathing and my heart is beating I don't want to deny the reality that I am not ok. It honestly feels like an absolute nightmare having this diagnosis. It brings me pain and sadness everyday and nothing good comes out of it.
I go out people stare, laugh maybe that's my self conscious behaviours but I am constantly getting this behaviour and ignorance from the community. It really makes me so sad and I am having to deal with it all the time and move past it. Luckily recently I have got some decent friends but I am not happy with my living arrangement (Supported accommodation) I felt like this was a really bad day and hopefully it might get better but I am constantly feel like I am being mugged off by others, In and out of placements all the time people shutting me down cant support me anymore because I am just "not accepting the support" I am sick of listening to this same negativity. I am 23 years old but recently been getting a lot of intrusive thoughts/paranoid beliefs. I get really bullied and constantly feel like it getting worse everyday. Honestly the support system nowadays is rubbish for autistic people and all people do is talk to me like I am 3 years old. People will ask me annoying/stupid questions about my diagnosis and I am always so hesitant to answer that question in case they reject me or people think I am weird and crazy I have been called that before. I will be on a helpline to for support e.g. Hopeline uk service or the Samaritans and they will ask me silly questions about my diagnosis and I don't want to tell them, I hate that part about having autism and some people even shut me down as soon as I tell them, it seems like they dont want to talk to me no more and then I am feeling sad and with low self esteem but constantly having to level it up and build my self esteem back up when is low is so exhausting. I do drink alot of alcohol and these silly medications that the GP are prescribing come with all these annoying side effects which are permanent. I am constantly being discriminated because of my autism and to see other autistic people being treated like rubbish from neurotypicals is also the worst part too that is painful. I have a pretty high ego in myself due to my looks which I will strongly admit and at times I notice that I can be arrogant when it comes to my looks but since I used to go on dating sites people didnt want to date me and instead what people do is take advantage of me and shut me down nothing good and nothing new there. I hate to admit this.. The condescending tone from people as well and the babyish behaviours from my staff in my supported accommodation is irritating and they don't see me as Jay they see me as a young man with autism and I am fed up of it. They will make stupid jokes which I don't understand then I get frustrated They are constantly going on at me repeatedly mentioning about medication no one seems to listen to me and not to also mention the unprofessional behaviour and rude tone from my staff in my supported accommodation is ridiculous. im felling that people are taking advantage of me all the time/laughing at me etc noticed this it never ends but i guess this time i have had enough now and reached my limit. most nights im crying myself to sleep.it honestly feels real and painful to me and at times cause of my prolonged stress i recently felt like i had asthma. told my staff in my supported accommodation about it showed no understanding! i could honestly go on and that's another thing sometimes i noticed that people when im on helplines for support they have this really annoying cough i cant stand it, makes me feel like a clown. i feel like it directed towards me and it feels real. please anyone reply and if you can relate to this I can tell more and we can further discuss I am here to help anyone as I have huge amounts of experience in supported accommodations and living environments.