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My son has Aspager’s

NAS79434

Good evening everyone. I hope I will find some help or advice or at least some support as I feel like I am going to end up in mental unit. 

My son (18yrs old) was diagnosed with Aspagers and depression recently. I knew since he was very young that something was not right but all doctors kind of ignored the problem and I couldn’t get help earlier. Now he is diagnosed and he was given antidepressants for the depression but I don’t see much change in his low mood.

I feel so helpless and my heart is broken seeing him so lonely and unhappy . He struggles in everyday life. All he does is staying up whole night, then gets up late afternoon, prepare food and stays in the bath for 3 or 4 hours. And so on... Everyday the same routine. He even stopped attending the school despite of huge teachers and mine support. He just doesn’t bother. 

We barely speaks as he is not interested and he lies constantly about everything. I don’t know how to help him. I am a single mother and paying for the private Therapy is beyond my financial situation. He was referred to psychiatrist but it may take up to one year to get an appointment.

Please can anyone advise me if there is any help I can get for him? What can I do to make him feel any better? Also if anyone with Aspagers is here can the person tell me if these kinds of behaviours normal for Aspagers ( as I sometimes thing he may have something else). So he has no feelings or emotions, speaks very posh language, dresses very formally everyday ( must be shirt and tie all the time), spends hours in the bath, doesn’t sleep at night, he is very talented at drawings. He has plans but he does nothing to fulfill them. It just like surviving from one day to another. 

Hugs. Worrying momBlush

Parents

  • Hi.  From what you have said the diagnosis seems appropriate, classic autistic signs and high-functioning aspects.  I suggest reading about autism from books and articles, but also watch videos of autistic people talking about their autism, or autism in general.  There is an autistic teacher, Pete Wharmby, and he writes and puts together videos about autism and how autism affects people - https://petewharmby.com/.  Also, if you know Chris Packham the naturalist and TV presenter then he has made a TV programme about his Aspergers, https://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/proginfo/2017/42/chris-packham-aspergers-and-me.  You may feel these people are completely different from your son, but that is autism - varied and complex, and you are assessing him from the outside, as he isn't able to tell you all about himself.  That might change.

    Autistic people tend to like routine and familiar things, and can withdraw into their own world, this can be comforting for them - your son is controlling his world so that he minimises stress, and that is very common.  Autistic people can find communication difficult, that can vary a lot, from time to time and person to person - its not necessarily lack of interest, its more likely to be a stress reason or anxiety (general or social anxiety).  He clearly must talk well sometimes if he is talking 'posh', he will probably talk when less stressed/anxious, or when its about his interests or himself.  Autistic people tend to be like that.  School can be very difficult for autistic people, plenty to be read or watched about that which may help you understand him.  Not wanting to go to school is not necessarily not being bothered, you don't have the information from him to know.  Even if he said he wasn't bothered, that may be him covering up the real reason(s).  Its difficult to say about the lies you mention as you haven't give examples, but he may have learnt to lie about things to avoid painful things, or control how things go.  Its common for autistic people to be too honest, too open, but some can learn to lie just as any human can.  Is there malice behind the lies?  Or is it painting a different scene to reality?  Autistic people can have difficulties with being fully aware of themselves and reality, and they can see and experience the world differently, and may say things that appear as a lie but to them may feel is a truth.  They can also not be fully aware of their own limits or abilities, and can plan big things or attempt things that are they aren't capable of, and not appreciate that there are steps in between they would need to attain to get there.  This can mean getting stuck on the idea, instead of actually taking the next step

    You say he has no feelings or emotions, but that is a common perception of people looking at autistic people who aren't given them the normal feedback they expect from a warm human - so appear cold.  He will have feelings and emotions, but have difficulty conveying them to you.  He will also have thoughts and beliefs about himself, you, and the world and may not convey these well so you don't know whats going on.

    Autistic people tend to have a hobby or interests that can provide comfort and distraction from stresses in reality, so his talent for drawing may not develop into anything because its already providing what he needs.

    Many autistic people will tell you that you do just live day to day, surviving rather than thriving - even when its going well you are having to manage yourself and any stresses which is draining, burnout can happen.

    It its difficult for you to understand him, its a common theme here and elsewhere for parents to tell us their view of their autistic son/daughter, and means a journey to learn who they really are, rather that what is observed or cast.  Seek help from other parents, autistic people, autism experts, psychiatrists, that is part of the journey.  Things can change, autistic people can gain awareness over time, learn to communicate better, learn to calm themselves better, but its not guaranteed.

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