Edit: below is what I wrote. I've got the situation sort of under control. I would still like advice in case this referral doesn't work out. Long story short, I felt suicidal last night, police got involved, they visited me today for some reason. We got into contact with social services for help with moving. It's early stages, but I know not to get my hopes up, because I'm never allowed to be happy.
I can't take it anymore. I either have bipolar disorder or I've developed some sort of stress disorder. I live in a place that's noisy (near a train station that has traffic piling up, with loud music). I've considered suicide many times now, it gets worse with each day I have to spend in this hell.
I'll try to introduce myself as I panic, I have a copy and paste.
I'm 25 years old, male, diagnosed with autism when I was young.
I want to move house, but I'm not sure where to start. I live with my mother at the moment, and this is the worst place to live.
I want to live on my own, but I know I can't exactly look after myself properly, especially when I have intrusive thoughts and constant doubt.
There are requirements for what I need to live which is why this may be an issue.
- Airconditioning or some form of temperature control (because I'm sensitive to heat in the summer)
- Big enough space for a bedroom or living area to have a computer, a few guitars, a big desk for the computer, probably a couch, etc. My current bedroom is roughly 9 feet x 12 feet, and the cieling might be 8 feet. I can touch the cieling with my arm.
- If I can't live alone, I'll only live with an ethical vegan. I can't handle being around animal products. The smell terrorizes me, it ties into the triggers of my depressive states, from thought alone as well. As I've learnt from refuting appeals to futility, it's better to try and avoid something than do nothing at all.
- Good internet. Wifi is tolerable. I use the internet a lot, I'm always at my computer every day, trying to compose music, draw artwork, or play games. Hard to say a bandwidth? I would use an ethernet connection, I currently have internet that's 80mb/s, it's fast enough
- Good noise and smell isolation. One of the big problems with where I live currently is the noise, I live near a train station, where traffic stops RIGHT outside, and the music and sometimes car engines are too loud. If it isn't obvious, I have sensory issues. Worth noting, creaky floors bother me as well. I don't like weird consistent sounds either, like the I think it's called boiler? It's the thing that heats up water, makes too much noise. I also don't like hearing talking. Headphones can only do so much even with good noise cancellation/isolation.
- Needs to be close to where I live (Eastbourne), and easy to find. Considering I don't drive, I'm too anxious too, same with public transport, I don't feel comfortable being far away from people I know, let alone the place I know. And I need to live somewhere, where there is a lot of sunshine. One of the worst things for my depressive states is a dark or cloudy day. It only amplifies my issues. Anywhere I can get a good view of either Eastbourne or the sky, would be good enough. I like natural lighting as well.
I'm happy to answer any questions. I can't really make compromises in terms of air conditioning (Or temperature control), the vegan roommate (Alternatively no animal products in the house), or noise isolation. Those are the most important things I need. I'm not too good with too much information. I have made plans for what I would need to get to fill my house, the sort of furniture I need specifically.
I really need to move out of this place. I'm struggling a lot coping here. I have episodes of perfect despair the more I'm reminded that I can't escape from here. I'm also socially anxious, I can't exactly get out of the house. And I don't talk a lot. There is one thing I'm considering if I can move, and that is trying to live stream to help me get over my social anxiety a little, bit by bit? I play a lot of video games, and have hobbies (Music composition and production, digital artwork, writing and online activism, debating)
