Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
Right now I am experiencing really poor mental health and anxiety issues that she long term ongoing. I feel ill and constantly tired and withdrawn. It's like I'm in a weird haze everyday.
Anyway. I lost my my recent job at Amazon. Order picker. I was employed there for 4 months but honestly spent most of the time there off with sickness. I only had to sign onto UC again in early March. And have just started seeing a work advisor again in mid April. I am told to look for full time work and warehouse work again.
I'm totally feeling like a rabbit in the headlights. I can't even go into a shop right now without feeling dizzy and having terrible migraines. I'm not sleeping well either. My social skills are just awful. My confidence is rock bottom. I don't feel employable. Definitely not full time work which will just burn me out beyond anything.
I don't know what to think. Am I trully just lazy? I don't feel well that's all I can say. I feel under intense pressure and of course I am afraid of losing my UC money so I don't feel confident to explain how I really feel. I just nod and say yes I am looking for work etc.
I have mentioned autism.
I have got 10k of debt too. Built up over last 4 years while being in and out of work. I am thinking bankruptsy but not sure.
I'm totally overwhelmed. Any advise, support anything would be of help. I appreciate it.
To be honest there is definitely something a bit wrong. It's hard for me to explain properly. But I feel I've had a progressive deterioration in my health. I have sleep issues. I can't seem to walk straight. Like I have balance issues, my eyesight is getting worse... there are various other symptoms that manifest in 'spells' that come and go randomly it seems sometimes.. is this really anxiety?
I've had these issues forever it seems but it's got worse in recent years. I can't drive because of the anxiety, eyesight issues. I absolutely know I'd be too unsafe to be driving at anything more than 30mph. I have panic attacks. I'd be probably panicking in stressing situations like on busy intersections or roundabouts etc. So that's ship sailed quite a long time ago. I really felt terrible about that as I wanted to drive for independence and long term security.
The balance and eyesight are definitely things that make me feel uneasy about work. Work isn't going to appreciate a worker who is clumsy and walking into things, that sort of thing.. but I'm really sort of like this at times. I also feel incredibly self conscious of my strange body language. I don't talk to anyone. I have no idea how to communicate socially and create friendships. If I in any way try it does not work at all. Its exhausting and painful for me. That's sounds bad but I really feel that way.
When I've worked I tend to just quickly burn myself out. So I'd have a good week or maybe two but then I'll go home one night and just collapse into a depressive state and overeat to numb the pain, make myself feel sickly and ill and then I'll not go to work, and I'll eventually lose that job. Then the cycle slowly repeats.
Hi Mat - have you spoken to your GP about your health issues? And have you been to an optician about your eyesight? And if so what did they say? I think they are the place to start to try and get some clarity on what is happening to you. I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this. I am experiencing very bad anxiety at the moment and severe anxiety can produce some of the symptoms you are experiencing (and you are undoubtedly experiencing severe stress and anxiety, I would talk to your GP if you feel able to. Have you got good support from family to help you with this?