Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
Right now I am experiencing really poor mental health and anxiety issues that she long term ongoing. I feel ill and constantly tired and withdrawn. It's like I'm in a weird haze everyday.
Anyway. I lost my my recent job at Amazon. Order picker. I was employed there for 4 months but honestly spent most of the time there off with sickness. I only had to sign onto UC again in early March. And have just started seeing a work advisor again in mid April. I am told to look for full time work and warehouse work again.
I'm totally feeling like a rabbit in the headlights. I can't even go into a shop right now without feeling dizzy and having terrible migraines. I'm not sleeping well either. My social skills are just awful. My confidence is rock bottom. I don't feel employable. Definitely not full time work which will just burn me out beyond anything.
I don't know what to think. Am I trully just lazy? I don't feel well that's all I can say. I feel under intense pressure and of course I am afraid of losing my UC money so I don't feel confident to explain how I really feel. I just nod and say yes I am looking for work etc.
I have mentioned autism.
I have got 10k of debt too. Built up over last 4 years while being in and out of work. I am thinking bankruptsy but not sure.
I'm totally overwhelmed. Any advise, support anything would be of help. I appreciate it.
Hey Mat
I wanted to tell you that ( depending how you look at it ) your posts might have positive ( inspiring in this instance ) effect on someone, reading them felt like deja vu and it made me come up with a poem, romantic poets style, so not a happy one, but still....
if there is someone thinking it's to discouraging i'll delete it
Awful truth
Botomless sadness drowns me today
To see my mirror image strangled
In his unwilingness to give up
to his last breath trying futily reach out
His calls for help returned like an echo
words sharp as razor cuting my heart open
bleeding out knowing the awful truth
neither his nor mine are to be answered
I'd take it as a compliment sure. It's definitely from the heart and articulated to my best ability. Not withstanding some annoying auto-correction with my phone. Not the best device to use I know.
You're poem is really touching actually and I am grateful I had some effect on you at least. I'm not very confident right now to say the least, so I'll take any compliment I'm given.