Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

Hi, a really good question was asked earlier in the week about our earliest childhood memories. Most seemed to be how we had been taken to different events and were unable to join in. A thread that I noticed was that as late diagnosed or self diagnosed we seem unable to forgive parents for how we were treated. The usual, “ don’t show me up” or “why are you so awkward”?, the one I can still hear is, “your a strange child” these  are just a few of the instances that a lot of us endured. This was whilst we didn’t know why we couldn’t  identify with other children either. I find I just can’t forgive my remaining parent, my mother. I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out. I actually keep contact now to a minimum. I don’t know if I’m being “out of order”  or making too much of this, I am still processing a lot of my childhood, a lot of these memories still haunt me and just find it very hard to forgive and forget.  Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Parents
  • This might prove unpopular and not very "love and light" but no, not always, not for everything, and sometimes not ever, and that is fine. Forgiveness is not a prerequisite to healing from generational trauma, walking away is.

    I had one parent that never accepted anything I ever did or wanted that deviated from their world view and one that accepted me completely whose love didn't come with terms and conditions. And now I'm a parent I know that accepting and loving your kid unconditionally is the easiest thing in the world. So if you have pearents that punished you for being different the person you need to forgive is yourself, because it's not your fault your parents are messed up.

Reply
  • This might prove unpopular and not very "love and light" but no, not always, not for everything, and sometimes not ever, and that is fine. Forgiveness is not a prerequisite to healing from generational trauma, walking away is.

    I had one parent that never accepted anything I ever did or wanted that deviated from their world view and one that accepted me completely whose love didn't come with terms and conditions. And now I'm a parent I know that accepting and loving your kid unconditionally is the easiest thing in the world. So if you have pearents that punished you for being different the person you need to forgive is yourself, because it's not your fault your parents are messed up.

Children