• Replies 94 replies
  • Subscribers 106 subscribers
  • Views 13080 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

Roy

Hi, a really good question was asked earlier in the week about our earliest childhood memories. Most seemed to be how we had been taken to different events and were unable to join in. A thread that I noticed was that as late diagnosed or self diagnosed we seem unable to forgive parents for how we were treated. The usual, “ don’t show me up” or “why are you so awkward”?, the one I can still hear is, “your a strange child” these  are just a few of the instances that a lot of us endured. This was whilst we didn’t know why we couldn’t  identify with other children either. I find I just can’t forgive my remaining parent, my mother. I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out. I actually keep contact now to a minimum. I don’t know if I’m being “out of order”  or making too much of this, I am still processing a lot of my childhood, a lot of these memories still haunt me and just find it very hard to forgive and forget.  Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Parents

  • This si something I have thought about alot as I get older. My dad passed in 2020 and probabably had ASD as well as other undiagnosed issues. My mum passed last year and she was the only one I got to talk about ASD with. They knew no diffrent, I blame them for nothing, I probably blame myself more for not getting help in my 20's and 30's. I was not an easy chlild, I was very clingy and genrally scared of the world and being left on my own, I was an only child that didn't help. They made my life as normal as they could, I genrally did what I was told and was not disruptive. This obviously ment I learned to mask pretty much as soon as I started school, with my ADHD helping that. 

    I am currently waiting for a copy of my medical records to see if there is anything in there. I was quite a sicly child and it was taked about me going to a special school for that reason. I was about 8 and massivley fought that because I thought I was 'normal'. Who knows how things may have turned out if I had gone there, we will never know.

    Rob

  • in reply to NAS65321

    I keep thinking that if I had been a “good Catholic” and if I had learned the faith better as taught to me by parents (if they had been better able to be parents and properly pass on the faith given thier own issues in the Catholic Ireland of the time) maybe I would have dealt with all of this better - going down the gay path in my teens in the 1980’s up until 15 years ago is something that I now realise was a big mistake and would not have happened if I had been adopted by my grandparents family on my Dad’s side, as I now realise that I needed (but never got) that ultra strict and ultra harsh upbringing to (make) me “cop myself on” as I did not get enough corporal punishment often enough at crucial points during my childhood, which would have made me a far stronger and more resilient person and ensured that I would not have gone down that gay path, which many considered totally inappropriate in my particular case as an only child, as I discovered later on in the consistent prejudice, discrimination and non-acceptance that I experienced from other gay men, even outside of the commercial gay scene and especially in the “nonprofit” part of the gay world 

  • in reply to IrishInManchesterUK

    I was brought up a Roman Catholic. For me it was never a compassionate or forgiving ethos which I am now no part of. It saddens me to hear that there are still people out there who genuinely believe that you can beat things out of people. I also don't believe that people choose their sexuality. At the moment, the world generally does not welcome or value neurodiversity. Everyone should believe that they have some good in themselves and others should stop trying to make them conform to their standards or view of what is "normal". It has been very disturbing to discover that people are looking for a cure for Autism and exploring the equivalent of conversion therapy. My daughter would say the problem isn't my Autism.... it is the fact that society doesn't want me to be me. Prejudice out of ignorance is in all parts of society...... whether religion, sexual orientation, gender, race or even gay communities. 

    I welcome the day when someone can walk down the street "stimming away" and no-one bats an eyelid. Real communities thrive on celebrating differences rather than condemning them.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Reply
  • in reply to IrishInManchesterUK

    I was brought up a Roman Catholic. For me it was never a compassionate or forgiving ethos which I am now no part of. It saddens me to hear that there are still people out there who genuinely believe that you can beat things out of people. I also don't believe that people choose their sexuality. At the moment, the world generally does not welcome or value neurodiversity. Everyone should believe that they have some good in themselves and others should stop trying to make them conform to their standards or view of what is "normal". It has been very disturbing to discover that people are looking for a cure for Autism and exploring the equivalent of conversion therapy. My daughter would say the problem isn't my Autism.... it is the fact that society doesn't want me to be me. Prejudice out of ignorance is in all parts of society...... whether religion, sexual orientation, gender, race or even gay communities. 

    I welcome the day when someone can walk down the street "stimming away" and no-one bats an eyelid. Real communities thrive on celebrating differences rather than condemning them.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Children
No Data