Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

Hi, a really good question was asked earlier in the week about our earliest childhood memories. Most seemed to be how we had been taken to different events and were unable to join in. A thread that I noticed was that as late diagnosed or self diagnosed we seem unable to forgive parents for how we were treated. The usual, “ don’t show me up” or “why are you so awkward”?, the one I can still hear is, “your a strange child” these  are just a few of the instances that a lot of us endured. This was whilst we didn’t know why we couldn’t  identify with other children either. I find I just can’t forgive my remaining parent, my mother. I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out. I actually keep contact now to a minimum. I don’t know if I’m being “out of order”  or making too much of this, I am still processing a lot of my childhood, a lot of these memories still haunt me and just find it very hard to forgive and forget.  Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Parents
  • This si something I have thought about alot as I get older. My dad passed in 2020 and probabably had ASD as well as other undiagnosed issues. My mum passed last year and she was the only one I got to talk about ASD with. They knew no diffrent, I blame them for nothing, I probably blame myself more for not getting help in my 20's and 30's. I was not an easy chlild, I was very clingy and genrally scared of the world and being left on my own, I was an only child that didn't help. They made my life as normal as they could, I genrally did what I was told and was not disruptive. This obviously ment I learned to mask pretty much as soon as I started school, with my ADHD helping that. 

    I am currently waiting for a copy of my medical records to see if there is anything in there. I was quite a sicly child and it was taked about me going to a special school for that reason. I was about 8 and massivley fought that because I thought I was 'normal'. Who knows how things may have turned out if I had gone there, we will never know.

    Rob

  • I know what you mean............so many "if onlys..."  and "what ifs..."" Sue 

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