Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

Hi, a really good question was asked earlier in the week about our earliest childhood memories. Most seemed to be how we had been taken to different events and were unable to join in. A thread that I noticed was that as late diagnosed or self diagnosed we seem unable to forgive parents for how we were treated. The usual, “ don’t show me up” or “why are you so awkward”?, the one I can still hear is, “your a strange child” these  are just a few of the instances that a lot of us endured. This was whilst we didn’t know why we couldn’t  identify with other children either. I find I just can’t forgive my remaining parent, my mother. I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out. I actually keep contact now to a minimum. I don’t know if I’m being “out of order”  or making too much of this, I am still processing a lot of my childhood, a lot of these memories still haunt me and just find it very hard to forgive and forget.  Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Parents
  • I don't really see much point in blaming my parents.  When I was a young child, there was no such thing as Asperger's/high functioning autism, so it seems pointless to blame them for not realising I had it.  Since I've been diagnosed, they've been supportive, even if they don't always "get" every aspect of my autism. (Yes, I know I'm lucky.)  There were things they said to me or made me do that were counterproductive in hindsight, like trying to pressure me to socialise on the grounds that I was just shy and that with practice and experience I would find it easier to talk to strangers and make small talk (I didn't), but, again, they couldn't have known this was not the right strategy for me.

    I feel more inclined to blame the kids who bullied me at school, as they should have known better, but I think even some of those mistook my autistic withdrawal for an intentional snub and the others probably had their own issues to deal with.

  • In order to deal with these many trials, I find that praying a decade of the Most Holy Rosary each day to the Blessed Virgin Mary our spiritual Mother can help to resolve many of these issues, while bringing us back into a State of Grace 

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