Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

Hi, a really good question was asked earlier in the week about our earliest childhood memories. Most seemed to be how we had been taken to different events and were unable to join in. A thread that I noticed was that as late diagnosed or self diagnosed we seem unable to forgive parents for how we were treated. The usual, “ don’t show me up” or “why are you so awkward”?, the one I can still hear is, “your a strange child” these  are just a few of the instances that a lot of us endured. This was whilst we didn’t know why we couldn’t  identify with other children either. I find I just can’t forgive my remaining parent, my mother. I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out. I actually keep contact now to a minimum. I don’t know if I’m being “out of order”  or making too much of this, I am still processing a lot of my childhood, a lot of these memories still haunt me and just find it very hard to forgive and forget.  Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Parents
  • Well I think of my childhood as a time went I didn’t have have the vocabulary to manifest my reasons and defend myself.
    I find that I don’t feel hurt in myself, I just want to go back and rescue myself from the torture, and the inhumanity, and the degradation of it all. 
    I feel that my diagnosis offers some closure, I don’t feel the need to punish my mentors and peers, I just lament about how I wasn’t saved. I feel that in finding out what was wrong I got justice for the boy in me..

Reply
  • Well I think of my childhood as a time went I didn’t have have the vocabulary to manifest my reasons and defend myself.
    I find that I don’t feel hurt in myself, I just want to go back and rescue myself from the torture, and the inhumanity, and the degradation of it all. 
    I feel that my diagnosis offers some closure, I don’t feel the need to punish my mentors and peers, I just lament about how I wasn’t saved. I feel that in finding out what was wrong I got justice for the boy in me..

Children
  • Wow! I have had very similar conversations with my daughter. She has told me that she just wants to go back and comfort and reassure herself as a child and give herself a big hug. I am not quite so generous and am still horrified at the extent of the bullying uncovered at the hands of my "good friends'" daughter. Ironically, she decided to train as a mental health nurse! Your message sounds very hopeful and constructive. Thank you, Sue