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Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

Roy

Hi, a really good question was asked earlier in the week about our earliest childhood memories. Most seemed to be how we had been taken to different events and were unable to join in. A thread that I noticed was that as late diagnosed or self diagnosed we seem unable to forgive parents for how we were treated. The usual, “ don’t show me up” or “why are you so awkward”?, the one I can still hear is, “your a strange child” these  are just a few of the instances that a lot of us endured. This was whilst we didn’t know why we couldn’t  identify with other children either. I find I just can’t forgive my remaining parent, my mother. I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out. I actually keep contact now to a minimum. I don’t know if I’m being “out of order”  or making too much of this, I am still processing a lot of my childhood, a lot of these memories still haunt me and just find it very hard to forgive and forget.  Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Parents

  • I can't forgive my parents.  My mother was bad but my father was a hundred times worse.

    Throughout my whole life he made it verbally clear that I was the shame of the family and my existence  must be kept a secret because he was obsessed with his reputation and standing in the community.

    Even on his deathbed, in hospital, he was telling at me to GET OUT because he was didn't want to be seen with me in public.

Reply

  • I can't forgive my parents.  My mother was bad but my father was a hundred times worse.

    Throughout my whole life he made it verbally clear that I was the shame of the family and my existence  must be kept a secret because he was obsessed with his reputation and standing in the community.

    Even on his deathbed, in hospital, he was telling at me to GET OUT because he was didn't want to be seen with me in public.

Children
  • in reply to Robert124

    WOW, DUDE! You had it worse than me!

    My old man had just seen the light as regards my character, when he croaked it. FWIW it didn't make a blind bit of difference to how he treated me, the behaviour was too entrenched, but I got to KNOW he was starting to see it wasn't all my fault.. 

    I've sent you a friend request, on the basis of (so far shared experience & "resonance" with what you write). I don't mind mind if you'd "rather not", but I mention it in case you'd missed it. After a few months when I remember, I tend to cancel them out of perceived politeness if they've not been responded to, so you don't need to do anything at all, there's no pressure to make any decision, I'm just letting you know it's there because I've missed them in the past, myself, and don't yet quite understand how I did miss them.