Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

Hi, a really good question was asked earlier in the week about our earliest childhood memories. Most seemed to be how we had been taken to different events and were unable to join in. A thread that I noticed was that as late diagnosed or self diagnosed we seem unable to forgive parents for how we were treated. The usual, “ don’t show me up” or “why are you so awkward”?, the one I can still hear is, “your a strange child” these  are just a few of the instances that a lot of us endured. This was whilst we didn’t know why we couldn’t  identify with other children either. I find I just can’t forgive my remaining parent, my mother. I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out. I actually keep contact now to a minimum. I don’t know if I’m being “out of order”  or making too much of this, I am still processing a lot of my childhood, a lot of these memories still haunt me and just find it very hard to forgive and forget.  Your thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Parents
  • Hi Roy, this is as complex as the condition. I was also badly treated by my mother, but I have to forgive her to some extent, as I believe that she was also undiagnosed ASD and didn't fair well either. It is hard though, as family relationships can be very difficult anyway, without disabilities thrown into the mix! I can forgive ignorance due to a lack of information, but I find sheer meanness unforgivable. As I am a newly diagnosed adult, I am coming to the realisation that one of my biggest hurdles now is going to be other people's ignorance and consequent behaviours, in relation to ASD. Try and find some peace for you, as holding on to resentment can be detrimental to your health. 

Reply
  • Hi Roy, this is as complex as the condition. I was also badly treated by my mother, but I have to forgive her to some extent, as I believe that she was also undiagnosed ASD and didn't fair well either. It is hard though, as family relationships can be very difficult anyway, without disabilities thrown into the mix! I can forgive ignorance due to a lack of information, but I find sheer meanness unforgivable. As I am a newly diagnosed adult, I am coming to the realisation that one of my biggest hurdles now is going to be other people's ignorance and consequent behaviours, in relation to ASD. Try and find some peace for you, as holding on to resentment can be detrimental to your health. 

Children
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