Why can’t you just be like the other children? Late diagnosed or self diagnosed adults, Can we forgive parents?

In Transactional Analysis there are three states of body and mind called Parent, Adult and Child.

Parent ego-states are behavioural feelings, thoughts and actions that have been mimicked with and or adapted from parents, teachers and any other authority or power figures.

Adult ego-states or mature states of mind are behavioural feelings, thoughts and actions are direct responses to the present time and location.

Child ego-states are behavioural feelings, thoughts and actions that are reproduced from childhood.

‘Critical Parent’ ego states and ‘Wounded’ Child ego states involve children’s development having been traumatically halted, or in addition distressingly hijacked with injunctive demands.

In that ‘Critical’ Parent and ‘Wounded’ Child ego states are obstructed or also corrupted states of childhood maturation, they to lesser or greater degrees obstruct or also corrupt the ability to respond maturely and reasonably in an accommodating way.

For example: your Adult state of mind states, “I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism” only your ‘Wounded’ Child as ‘Critical’ Parent states, “but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out.”

Rather than starting to forgive and forget the wrongdoing ~ only to continue on pressing your case against your mother, learn instead to reclaim the pent up maturational vitalities of your ‘Wounded’ Child ~ by feeling and breathing gently and deeply through the emotional pain of those events, imagining as if that your nose and mouth are in your chest, and that your lungs are as if in your lower pelvis, with each inhalation and exhalation as if pulling and drawing your feet to the floor ~ as grounding and clearing the negative energies. It is helpful also to drink water as clearing emotional pain involves bio-chemical toxins with the negative energies. 

And every time you relive your mother telling you such things as, “You’re a strange child” remind that young fragmented version of yourself mimicking her, “People” ‘are’ strange ~ which we need to recognise and respect more regarding neurological divergences these days!” And suchlike to integrate one’s selves more effectively in developmental terms.

In Transactional Analysis there are three states of body and mind called Parent, Adult and Child.

Parent ego-states are behavioural feelings, thoughts and actions that have been mimicked with and or adapted from parents, teachers and any other authority or power figures.

Adult ego-states or mature states of mind are behavioural feelings, thoughts and actions are direct responses to the present time and location.

Child ego-states are behavioural feelings, thoughts and actions that are reproduced from childhood.

‘Critical Parent’ ego states and ‘Wounded’ Child ego states involve children’s development having been traumatically halted, or in addition distressingly hijacked with injunctive demands.

In that ‘Critical’ Parent and ‘Wounded’ Child ego states are obstructed or also corrupted states of childhood maturation, they to lesser or greater degrees obstruct or also corrupt the ability to respond maturely and reasonably in an accommodating way.

For example: your Adult state of mind states, “I fully understand that no one had any knowledge of autism” only your ‘Wounded’ Child as ‘Critical’ Parent states, “but I just find it very hard to forgive the verbal and sometimes physical punishments that were handed out.”

Rather than starting to forgive and forget the wrongdoing ~ only to continue on pressing your case against your mother, learn instead to reclaim the pent up maturational vitalities of your ‘Wounded’ Child ~ by feeling and breathing gently and deeply through the emotional pain of those events, imagining as if that your nose and mouth are in your chest, and that your lungs are as if in your lower pelvis, with each inhalation and exhalation as if pulling and drawing your feet to the floor ~ as grounding and clearing the negative energies. It is helpful also to drink water as clearing emotional pain involves bio-chemical toxins with the negative energies. 

And every time you relive your mother telling you such things as, “You’re a strange child” remind that young fragmented version of yourself mimicking her, “People” ‘are’ strange ~ which we need to recognise and respect more regarding neurological divergences these days!” And suchlike to integrate one’s selves more effectively in developmental terms.

Before we had all the stuff about mental health issues that we have today, especially in Rural areas, we only had the local Parish Priest and in those days, his word was law, enforced by the police sergeant, doctor, headmaster and others in the local village - we were given a set of instructions and told to follow them to the letter and the others would ensure that we did so - there was a total refusal to understand anything else from “the likes of us” back then, because our total obedience without question to authority was everything, in order to maintain traditional values - the church’s traditional teachings at the time were totally against the idea of self esteem (regarded as the sin of false pride) - any disobedience or attempt to question anything was met with severe corporal punishment in order to save our souls from evil - even though I was born in 1970, I had this ultra traditional approach as a child and I was summoned to the priests house and the police station many times to receive triple corporal punishment for being bullied in school, while my parents were constantly condemned from the pulpit for being “bad” parents, as it was deemed that I was inviting and attracting such bullying behaviour by my own behaviour as I was deemed “not right in the head” and had “no cop on”