So after throwing away my 20s as I couldn’t cope and I basically just shut down I’m now in my 30s continuing the trend. I don’t really enjoy thing anymore and it all just seem pointless. I can’t relax and watch a movie and any hobby I could try and take up will just become pointless and boring over time. I don’t know if I fear change or just don’t know how to get into a situation that can cause it. I tell myself I need to find a girl and that will bring me the happiness I need but I cannot see myself in that situation and I don’t know how to get there and if I did magically get there I don’t think I could handle it…. It as if I’ve built up so much fear around the initial thing happening that I can never get over the wall to reach it. The years keep flying by and I’ve got no idea how I got here or wtf going on. I made a dating profile recently as I’ve done a few times over the last 10 years and I just can’t see myself communicating back if I paid then got someone messaging me who interested. I’m like rain man where everything to much and I cannot hold onto the current moment and phase into the next as months pass by till I’m here again….