Quite an intense shutdown.

Between meltdowns and shutdowns, I tend, historically speaking, to experience meltdowns a lot more often than the latter. But today I experienced what can only be described as a shutdown and it was deeply unpleasant and just as frustrating as any of my previous meltdowns.

It was of course caused by the chaos of being around a lot of other people and not being able to make sense of the world in front of me. Just when I think I’m getting the hang of it, people seem to change and a new presentation of behaviour reveals itself in front of me that everyone else is seemingly okay with or able to adapt to and I’m the only one left scratching my head at it all. Well not so much scratching my head as much as feeling immensely lost, frustrated and cross at myself for not being able to navigate it effectively.

Anyways, apologies for the moan. Just felt like I needed to put words to the experience.

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  • Hello, I hope you feel ok now and are trying to recover from your shutdown. Shutdowns are really horrible to experience and can be very disorientating. From my own experience, I feel very exhausted afterwards.

    You don’t need to apologise, you are just explaining how you feel. Your emotions are very valid.

     I know this might be difficult to recognise right now but a shutdown is a natural way for your autistic brain to respond to excessive stress in an environment that doesn’t suit your neurology. I recommend engaging in autistic self care - whatever that looks like for you.

    Just when I think I’m getting the hang of it, people seem to change and a new presentation of behaviour reveals itself in front of me that everyone else is seemingly okay with or able to adapt to and I’m the only one left scratching my head at it all

    Please don’t compare yourself to other people, your autistic brain just processes information differently. Also people (particularly neurotypical people) can be quite unpredictable which is quite confusing for us as autistic people. Change is very anxiety inducing for us as autistic people because all we need is certainty.

     I hope this helps and I know how frustrating shutdowns can be but I hope you find comfort in sharing these stressful situations with us autistic people on this forum. You are not alone, your autistic brain is just trying to tell you are under too much stress.

  • Thank you for this reply. I’m starting to get there now- just needed some time. I can see sense in a lot of what you have said here- so thanks once again.

    Change is definitely something that can set me off and the unpredictability of those around me today was just too much. It is nice to be able to offload to others who entirely get it.

  • You are very welcome. Give yourself as much time you need to recover from your shutdown.

    It is nice to be able to offload to others who entirely get it.

    I am glad you feel this way too. This is one of the many great things about the autistic community- we are here to support each other. You don’t need to explain anything to anyone, you can just feel immediately understood.

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