• Replies 10 replies
  • Subscribers 87 subscribers
  • Views 1302 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Dejected from never fitting in

NAS71657

Although there are no obvious signs that I have Asperger's, I never fitted in as a child at school or as a colleague in the teaching profession. Teased for my intelligence (I'm not super-bright, simply slightly above average) and at best respected for my work ethic, I have never had any friends or relationships. I've been told I look too serious/studious and put people off. (i.e. I may not have a smile on my face even though I am happy). Returning to university study, I share academic interests with others, but I am again the odd one out as a mature student. Even if I were their age, I would feel the same as when I entered college at 17. How can I stop feeling down about this? I have been told that I 'lack social capital' and have 'nothing to bring to the party'.

Parents

  • I wasted all my mental energy growing up trying to make friends, then I discovered I have autism and that I was different and that's why things hadn't been going how I wanted them to socially.

    I wish that I had spent my time and energy learning stuff and liking myself rather than making every decision based on trying to make people like me. 

    My advice would be that you should exist in whatever way you feel comfortable and let people like you if they want to. Do things you like and if you meet people that seem cool while doing it, that's fine. But don't fuss and force yourself to be likeable, it's not worth your time and you'll only end up judging yourself harshly for not meeting neurotypical society's expectations. 

    But don't like close yourself off to making friends or even just casual socialising like talking to someone at the shops. Just don't make it too big a deal is my advice. Watermelon

Reply

  • I wasted all my mental energy growing up trying to make friends, then I discovered I have autism and that I was different and that's why things hadn't been going how I wanted them to socially.

    I wish that I had spent my time and energy learning stuff and liking myself rather than making every decision based on trying to make people like me. 

    My advice would be that you should exist in whatever way you feel comfortable and let people like you if they want to. Do things you like and if you meet people that seem cool while doing it, that's fine. But don't fuss and force yourself to be likeable, it's not worth your time and you'll only end up judging yourself harshly for not meeting neurotypical society's expectations. 

    But don't like close yourself off to making friends or even just casual socialising like talking to someone at the shops. Just don't make it too big a deal is my advice. Watermelon

Children
No Data