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Lost.......

NAS79029

When you unhappy all your life,alone,and despite having relationships and friends here and there that come and go some good friends who just can't get head round that you don't want to join them going out even if deep down you wish you could as if you do go out it's just awkward and situations always arise, or bad ones that try take advantage of your good nature, all in all it hurts, I feel like I'm falling apart and I never spoke to anyone else with Asperger's and don't know if anyone relates, diagnosis was 4 years ago I have Asperger's,ADHD and bipolar recently had a breakdown, was an addict for 15 years but been clean for 10 years now  , childhood wasn't great didn't have one really use to be beaten and told go away to be fair they didn't know I was on spectrum they thought I was just naughty they really supportive now though. 

  • It won’t be as bad as it was,

    Because now I’m my own boss,

    I decide what to eat and how much,

    My stomache like black hole hungry such,

    I often forget to sleep and drink,

    Waking to reality when the next day brinks.

    But if that is my current whim

    I let it be, just getting slim.

  • in reply to Blue

    Oh your last paragraph made laugh out loud! I too am from England so I know for a fact that feeling of insanity. I honestly don't think it is us....

  • Highly relatable, but i don't have a metaphorical compass to show you a direction to take. The only direction im sure i am heading when i pass from this world is down, however i am seriously directionally challenged so i would probably get lost on my way to hell.

    My family where abusive, toxic, dismissive too and i have a time machine which proved useless because going back in time just caused a paradox and left me witnessing the abuse all over again so there nothing we can do. However it bring me great pain and comfort that i must now outlive my enemies and poop on their graves. My brothers grave is going to be so covered in poo. 

    Well you started the neurologically typical healing process. you've irrationally forgiven your family for causing you pain and honestly it not enough unless they have made the effort and empathy to apologize to you. 

    You always going to feel things, its practle what existing is. Embarrassment and awkward situation occur  when grow as a person and bad things will happen no matter what, you can't control them or people. Unless your a wizard.

    Life is all about a random rock falling through an endless space while tiny creatures on the planet try to figure out the meaning of life and failing miserable while creating creature like Boris Johnson. You can at least try and embrace the chaos or let it consume your mind.

    i don't know if i am embracing the chaos or i have already gone insane but i live in england and today i witnessed a human child getting walked by a kangaroo getting walked by a dog getting walked by a human who had parrot on his shoulder and i do not partake in recreational substance.