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Awaiting assessment but learning a lot

BristolSteve

Hi everyone

Thought I'd say hi as I'm new to the group, 42, male. I'm currently awaiting a formal assessment following a referral to BASS from my GP. But upon discovery that I may be on the spectrum my eyes have been opened wide. Until I get a formal assessment it's difficult not to jump the gun and run with it but the more I read from websites and particularly testimonies from this forum, the more I can't believe that it has taken 42 years for someone to even think this about me. It feels like the signs were obvious, and actually I'm annoyed that healthcare professionals and therapists have always treated the symptoms rather than consider the possibility that there might be a deeper cause - I've been in and out of therapy since my early 20s and had depression and anxiety since I was 9. Anyway, I won't delve into that now but I have 2 questions I was wondering if people could comment on please?

First one is does anyone know how long BASS take to get back to you with an assessment appointment? I was told it could be 12 months but some people in this forum have waited a lot longer by the sounds of it.

Secondly is a more general query about how people deal with 'rewriting' their history once being diagnosed. My brain is going 100mph looking at the whole of my past through different eyes and actually realising that certain things did or didn't happen because of the possibility of being on the spectrum. Friendships, relationships, life choices, emotions, all suddenly look very different when viewed from this angle. It's an odd mixture of terrifying, disappointing, sadness, relief, and confusion and whilst trying not to let it take over my thoughts it's very difficult. You get reminded of something and all of a sudden you look at it and go "I wonder if it happened like that or I reacted in that way because I'm on the spectrum". Does post-diagnosis care help you understand and deal with these things?

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this and I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts.

Steve

Parents

  • Hi Steve, The Big Bang moment is a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m in my 50’s and the notion of autism only came to me in December. You are angry, sad and lost all at the same time. You are right that memories of every disaster in your life come to the surface and have to be processed. To realise that most if not all weren’t your fault is a strange feeling. I’ve watched about every YouTube video there is and have been reading books by autistic people. It does all finally make sense. My wife has been a nhs nurse for most of her life and sees a lot of autistic people, she never picked up on me. Masking started in pre school, in the end you just become this other person. The arguments over me not going to social occasions ,being a fussy eater, not wanting friends and much more have stopped. She really does now  see the autistic me and what can trigger my meltdowns or shutdowns. No more days of what she called radio silence, I would be non verbal for days at the thought of going somewhere.

    I think to have known say 10 years ago would have been helpful, to have been singled out in the 1970’s would have been hell. There is a Chanel 4 program on catch up called Am I Autistic?, two people are going through diagnosis and given a task to do, in the middle of the task it’s altered, I could actually feel their anxiety and confusion at the problem having to be rethought in the middle of it.

    Im currently waiting for a diagnosis, my area has a waiting time of about 2 years. Im seriously thinking of going private but it is a big price tag of £1800 which I can’t really afford. To me a diagnosis will help to bring closure, I think the way our brains are wired is that we need definite answers. I’m not looking for a cure, I just want to re engage with the real me and stop wondering. My thoughts have been that if I have 25 good years left then they have got to count.  
    Good luck with your journey.

Reply

  • Hi Steve, The Big Bang moment is a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m in my 50’s and the notion of autism only came to me in December. You are angry, sad and lost all at the same time. You are right that memories of every disaster in your life come to the surface and have to be processed. To realise that most if not all weren’t your fault is a strange feeling. I’ve watched about every YouTube video there is and have been reading books by autistic people. It does all finally make sense. My wife has been a nhs nurse for most of her life and sees a lot of autistic people, she never picked up on me. Masking started in pre school, in the end you just become this other person. The arguments over me not going to social occasions ,being a fussy eater, not wanting friends and much more have stopped. She really does now  see the autistic me and what can trigger my meltdowns or shutdowns. No more days of what she called radio silence, I would be non verbal for days at the thought of going somewhere.

    I think to have known say 10 years ago would have been helpful, to have been singled out in the 1970’s would have been hell. There is a Chanel 4 program on catch up called Am I Autistic?, two people are going through diagnosis and given a task to do, in the middle of the task it’s altered, I could actually feel their anxiety and confusion at the problem having to be rethought in the middle of it.

    Im currently waiting for a diagnosis, my area has a waiting time of about 2 years. Im seriously thinking of going private but it is a big price tag of £1800 which I can’t really afford. To me a diagnosis will help to bring closure, I think the way our brains are wired is that we need definite answers. I’m not looking for a cure, I just want to re engage with the real me and stop wondering. My thoughts have been that if I have 25 good years left then they have got to count.  
    Good luck with your journey.

Children
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