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Thoughts on relationships

Rosie

I've recently spent some time with friends. some of who are in committed relationships, and the inevitable questions came up. "Are you interested in anyone?", "When will you get back into the dating game?".

I personally am not interested in entering into a relationship with anybody and I don't attribute that decision wholly to my autism. I happen to also label myself as an asexual and I found it uncomfortable to hear my friends, whether they were only joking or not, list having sex as one of the major benefits of being in a relationship.

The idea that being with another person is so important or that I am somehow missing out on something is ridiculous to me because right now I'm so happy with my life. Although, as more of my friends and family are settling down and getting married I can understand their concern I suppose, even though I did not ask for it...

Sorry for the rambling but I was interested to see if anyone else felt similarly.

  • I want a relationship; but the single girls around here would consider me too old. 

  • I was about 30 before I had anysort of relationship (BTW I am a 52yo man), I had no interest what so ever. I found girls attractive but had no idea how to really talk to them. However I grew up as an only child who's parents slept apart so I didn't see physical affection in my life. 

    I digress, don't be pushed into a relationship. I used to just lie to people at work that I was seeing someone, it was just easier. It wasn't until my 30's that I felt time was right to start seeing people, and after 3 years of dating I met my wife and we have been together for 17 years. It is such a personal thing and those with ASD tend to really over think it and it is more difficult for us. 

  • Humans are animals, with animal urges - we aren't really aware of them, but they keep us alive, help us keep the species going. 
    There is expectation in society to do what has been always done, and this causes conflicts and difficulties.

    But, brains vary, and urges vary - and then autism can affect things.

    Just be yourself, and have confidence in who you are and the life you want.

    I have difficulties that mean relationships are not realistic, despite a need for them, and I've had to accept that.  I have things to work on as well.

    It is liberating to build a life in a way that suits you, rather than what suits others, or a partner, or partners family, etc.

  • Even though I do have a boyfriend, I felt exactly the same when I was in school. Yes I did have a silly crush once on a guy that was most definitely not into me, but I used to get bullied for not being with someone. At 14 years old! It’s really pathetic to be honest. 

    It’s honestly a positive when you know exactly what you feel and want. Say thanks for their concern but you are doing your own thing and they need to respect that. Otherwise, I would just ignore them.