Theory of Mind

Hello all,

I have recently had three sessions with a clinical psychologist to explore whether difficulties I have had for as long as I can remember (depression, anxiety, intense social anxiety, difficulty maintaining relationships etc etc) might actually have an explanation, i.e. perhaps I am on the autistic spectrum.  

I approached this man in particular as his profile - on BUPA Finder - listed one of his specialisms as Autism Assessment.  I completed the Adult Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) and GADS questionnaires and I was told that I had 'autistic traits' but he could not go further than this - I would have to get an official assessment (which I thought I was getting but that is another story!).

The ambiguity of this has left me feeling quite confused and upset. 

However, from what I have researched, having issues around 'theory of mind' is fundamental to being autistic, and I don't think this is something I have difficulty with.  So, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share real life examples of how difficulties with theory of mind might present itself/affect them?  

I should mention that I am a 44 year old woman.

Thank you so much.

Parents
  • Oh sounds like some folks have read beyond what I have here and the area might be more controversial than I thought, but here's how I understand it (I'll stand corrected if others know more).

    The theory of mind develops in early childhood when you first understand that other beings are seperate from you with different desires, emotions, intentions and motivations from you. The theory as I understand is that this is late developing or inefficient in autism, such that you would find it more difficult to spot someone else's motivation or notice their emotional need.

    Indeed, these things can be difficult for us. As you ask for examples... for instance, twice in my professional life I've encountered that odd individual who seems to want to constantly do me down, undermine all my best efforts and make me look bad in the eyes of others. I was hurt, but at a loss to understand why. On both occasions someone I trusted put me straight. 'Don't you get it, Dawn?', they said. 'They are being like that because you can do what they cannot and they are jealous'. I still can't fathom why either of them would feel jealous. But... A) I had been clueless as to why these two behaved so badly, their motivation a mystery to me. B) I was oblivious to the fact that their emotional state was in some way so fragile as to find me threatening just because I was good at something.

    Perhaps indicative of this as a  childhood example... when I was in Reception another child told me that a man in the village had a knife and was going around murdering people. I came home distraut, pleading with my parents to take this information on board and batten down the hatches so we wouldn't be killed. My mother was dismissive. She said the other girl was telling stories. I was inconsolable and retorted "what five year old child would tell lies?". I could see no other motive for this girl's story than to impart important information to me, which I should pass to my parents so they could be warned and keep us safe. I didn't understand why my mother wasn't taking it seriously and went to bed certain we would die.

    But, like the others who are more critical of the theory here, I'm not entirely sure poor theory of mind is an adequate explanation of all this. I absolutely DO see that others are different from me, with their own wants and needs, but I do miss out on motivations and desires which are less honest or not verbally expressed. I do wonder whether it is less a case of "poor" theory of mind and more a case of just not reading certain non-verbal cues which would give NTs that window into unsavoury motivations, and a natural assumption on my part that others are as honest as I am, until proven otherwise.

    Is the problem in my theory of mind? Is it in my poorer ability to read paralinguistics? Is it in a simple predisposition for naivety? Or a combination of a couple of these things? Don't know.

Reply
  • Oh sounds like some folks have read beyond what I have here and the area might be more controversial than I thought, but here's how I understand it (I'll stand corrected if others know more).

    The theory of mind develops in early childhood when you first understand that other beings are seperate from you with different desires, emotions, intentions and motivations from you. The theory as I understand is that this is late developing or inefficient in autism, such that you would find it more difficult to spot someone else's motivation or notice their emotional need.

    Indeed, these things can be difficult for us. As you ask for examples... for instance, twice in my professional life I've encountered that odd individual who seems to want to constantly do me down, undermine all my best efforts and make me look bad in the eyes of others. I was hurt, but at a loss to understand why. On both occasions someone I trusted put me straight. 'Don't you get it, Dawn?', they said. 'They are being like that because you can do what they cannot and they are jealous'. I still can't fathom why either of them would feel jealous. But... A) I had been clueless as to why these two behaved so badly, their motivation a mystery to me. B) I was oblivious to the fact that their emotional state was in some way so fragile as to find me threatening just because I was good at something.

    Perhaps indicative of this as a  childhood example... when I was in Reception another child told me that a man in the village had a knife and was going around murdering people. I came home distraut, pleading with my parents to take this information on board and batten down the hatches so we wouldn't be killed. My mother was dismissive. She said the other girl was telling stories. I was inconsolable and retorted "what five year old child would tell lies?". I could see no other motive for this girl's story than to impart important information to me, which I should pass to my parents so they could be warned and keep us safe. I didn't understand why my mother wasn't taking it seriously and went to bed certain we would die.

    But, like the others who are more critical of the theory here, I'm not entirely sure poor theory of mind is an adequate explanation of all this. I absolutely DO see that others are different from me, with their own wants and needs, but I do miss out on motivations and desires which are less honest or not verbally expressed. I do wonder whether it is less a case of "poor" theory of mind and more a case of just not reading certain non-verbal cues which would give NTs that window into unsavoury motivations, and a natural assumption on my part that others are as honest as I am, until proven otherwise.

    Is the problem in my theory of mind? Is it in my poorer ability to read paralinguistics? Is it in a simple predisposition for naivety? Or a combination of a couple of these things? Don't know.

Children
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