Working in research and science - becoming too absorbed in a research project

What does PI stand for?

On the point about talking to your supervisor, can you write instead and copy in HR and occupational health? Tell them how much you enjoy the work, but in view of the fact that you are undergoing assessment for autism, you feel that you must achieve a balance between looking after yourself and work in order for you to be well and for them to continue getting benefit of your talents and that you are looking for their support in this. Both you and your organisation have everything to gain from addressing the problems. A diagnosis will give you legal rights for reasonable adjustments etc, but you need them to be truely partners with you in the finding the solutions. I'd then give them the detail on the points that are difficult for you. Tell them you are writing because you find the difficulties hard to express in person. It could well be that it is a simple case of nobody having this far really understood what the problems are for you.

A chat with occupational health would be a very good idea. It's their job to advise your bosses about how best to support you.

Developmental neuroscience, you say...I'd have thought logically you should be in an ideal environment to get the required understanding, but somehow it sounds as though no one has this far picked up on your need.

I would also get some help from any disability support group or union  you may have within your organisation. They may well help with respect to your employee rights and advocate for you.

I am so sorry you are going through this, and I hope your health improves soon, but do remember you are a valuable asset to them too. It's in everybody's interest for you to get the conditions you need to succeed.

Keep us posted.

Hi Ann :), commenting on your original post and Dawn's helpful comments.

Dawn said:

I am so sorry you are going through this, and I hope your health improves soon, but do remember you are a valuable asset to them too. It's in everybody's interest for you to get the conditions you need to succeed.

This.

Ann :) said:

I recently finished my MPhil

Congratulations on finishing the MPhil. That is a significant achievement and a *lot* of work.

Ann :) said:

I always want to please people and find myself unable to say no when asked to help out with projects and lab work. I do love getting involved, but as I am unable to say no, I take on more than I can cope with, including projects that I am not so interested in.  

Glad you raised this issue, because it is incredibly important. In addition to Dawn's good suggestion about "A chat with occupational health", it may also help to see a counsellor too.

Ann :) said:

I love research and science has always been a source of stability and comfort in my life. However, for the third time now (over the past years) I have ended up extremely underweight and this time also utterly burnt out as I end up focusing on my research to the exclusion of all else (I have food/eating issues anyways, but what happens in this case is that I do not want to deal with it and end up stuck in a routine eating the same handful of foods in same order over and over again).

Everyone's situation is different, and when you mention "I have food/eating issues anyways" you raise another issue which I don't have the knowledge to address. But the point of research really chimes with me. From my own experience, when I'm engrossed in research or in writing, I lose all sense of time, forgetting to eat, drink, and other basic requirements. I end up utterly exhausted, and frequently have moments of burnout. I found having colleagues who have a strict timetable - e.g. one who always goes to lunch at a particular time and pulls me away - is incredibly useful. (It also helps if the colleague is really considerate of what to eat - I was living off junk food and snacks, leading to weight gain and fluctuating moods, and a more careful, considered diet *works wonders*.) Same goes with how long to spend researching - if you have a colleague who comes to you and says, right, finished for today, let's go - it's annoying as hell, but it does help enforce a routine. And having a social group outside of the research similarly helps. (BUT - this is a personal response to what appears to be an institutional issue. )

Ann :) said:

I also suspect that I have also been taken advantage of (was not paid for 6 months now, despite being promised a contract from after the 3^rd month onwards etc.).

Something that has taken me a long time to learn: seperate the institutional issue from the personal issue. This might be accidental or it might be something nefarious. As Dawn suggests, a polite and clear email, with various people cc'ed - usually helps to raise concerns and clarify the situation, but your institution might be different.

Ann :) said:

I always want to please people and find myself unable to say no when asked to help out with projects and lab work. I do love getting involved, but as I am unable to say no, I take on more than I can cope with, including projects that I am not so interested in.

This is another important issue, and thanks for raising it. Being helpful and being of great assistance is a really good characteristic to have, but in a lab, I presume, it can be easily taken advantage of. It might help to ask the question whether the additional projects connect to your research (and/or career intentions) - and, if not, avoid. Don't get into the habit of doing other people's work for them - particularly if there's no acknowledgement (e.g. pay, publications, etc).

Ann :) said:

(I have been off work for over 3 weeks now as I could not cope any more both physically (too underweight) and psychologically (utterly exhausted and burnt out).)

This, somewhat hidden in brackets, is a really important issue to address. How are you now? What will help you immediately? Does your workspace have a counsellor?

Hi James, 

Thank you for your reply. It is really helpful. Thanks for checking how I am doing. Having some time away from the lab and work has been the best thing that happened to me. At first, I felt even worse when I started the time off (completely depressed, hopeless, exhausted, burnt-out). However, I am starting to feel a bit more energised, though still nowhere near back to full strength. I have done very little (I had an initial phase of online boardgame playing and I have now moved onto killer sudokos- which I highly recommend actually). Not doing much is quite unusual for me as I usually cannot cope at all with being unproductive and not having something to obsess about and focus on. But I think this is exactly what I need. It is also allowing me to self-reflect and I am starting to see patterns and understand better where things go wrong. 

I have also seen my GP and a mental health team who should get back to me with their recommendations soon. Plus I am trying to get assessed for ASD (but it will take a long time). I am a bit concerned though as I felt quite misunderstood by the mental health team and I am not sure I will get the right kind of help from them (the suggestion of the day clinic is stressing me out). Lots of things to decide and sort out at this point. My intuition is that what would help most is some more time away from everything, but I need to see if I can make this happen (with work and financially etc.). I am still in a fragile state and I think returning to work at this point would result in me falling back in the same pattern. 

Sorry this has turned into a long post again... Thank you so much for your support! Finding the community here has been so helpful for me. 

NAS78521, great to hear an update. Glad you've seen your GP and a mental health team (and good luck with the ASD assessment), and good to learn that your energy is returning.

I really appreciate you raising this issue, as it has resulted in some really practical advice from other members here - many with *much more experience* that I have in the area! I hope it continues to be supportive and useful for you.

(About the doing very little comment -it sometimes helps to rephrase that mentally. "Doing nothing" can be interpreted as a negative value judgment. If you are doing online gaming and sodukus, then you're doing online gaming and sodukus. And if you're sat enjoying the sun, you're enjoing the sun. This is something I keep trying to do - and it helps sometimes to avoid pushing for more narrow productivity)

NAS78521, great to hear an update. Glad you've seen your GP and a mental health team (and good luck with the ASD assessment), and good to learn that your energy is returning.

I really appreciate you raising this issue, as it has resulted in some really practical advice from other members here - many with *much more experience* that I have in the area! I hope it continues to be supportive and useful for you.

(About the doing very little comment -it sometimes helps to rephrase that mentally. "Doing nothing" can be interpreted as a negative value judgment. If you are doing online gaming and sodukus, then you're doing online gaming and sodukus. And if you're sat enjoying the sun, you're enjoing the sun. This is something I keep trying to do - and it helps sometimes to avoid pushing for more narrow productivity)