I'm self diagnosed after a psychiatrist pointed out I could be autistic. I've struggled with severe depression and my mental health for years. I'm no longer able to cope with my daughter or being a mum. After days of seeing or being around is so stressful I get overloaded then need 18 hours of down time and sleep because my brain is most overloaded and I'm overwhelmed. I NEED lots of me time... winding down to relax after even just a few hours of being around someone. Music on and just listen for hours.. Feels good to just be me with music on. I can make myself feel grounded then and process things in my time. Non autistic people don't understand or even believe my feelings or me possibly being autistic is valid. They see me as selfish or will point out they have seen me doing something normal like drinking or getting a beauty treatment. However they don't realise or see the 5 hours preperation before hand or the 5 hours brain stiffness afterwards n my body just giving up and going to sleep. I think I'd benefit from stimulant medication but I'm struggling to obtain this from a doctor or even get a diagnosis. My scattered brain n being unable to focus is so bad I'm unable to even care for my child and everyone thinks that I'm selfish.
The thing that bothers me is, if i don't have me time and leave it, i tend to get more and more agitated and not be able 2 go out or do anything. Is this normal to feel like this? The less me time i have, i tend to feel more numb with emotions. Seems kind of selfish when reading it back but I literally can not help it. I'm not sure how to even go about asking for stimulant medication because I don't have a diagnosis yet so it just seems impossible as they just assume you are med seeking or on drugs. I'm feeling suicidal I can't cope or keep consistent with my functioning. People just think I'm lazy
