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Making decisions

Sassenach

I am rubbish at making decisions. I used to put it down to being a Libra, but I now realise it is due to a lack of confidence and autism playing it's part. When faced with making a decision or making changes, my head considers every little thing that could go wrong, and every person that could be affected. I don't seem to consider any positives unless they're pointed out to me. I am often too exhausted at the end of all the catastrophising to make the decision and have to do it another time. This includes booking trips away, making appointments, ordering something online, changing the garden, etc etc. I am fed up tying myself in knots! This has got worse since I got older, (although I was pretty bad when younger too) yet I am in a better living environment than I have ever been in, so maybe the uncertainty of the pandemic plays a part in this now. Does anyone else struggle like this? 

Parents

  • I'm the same. I think it's partly the opposition to change. If I'm making a decision then I'm changing something in some small way, such as what I'll be doing on a particular day. A decision like what clothes to buy or even what to order in a restaurant is stressful for me, and I always feel like I've made the wrong choice afterwards. I tend to focus on the negatives, and often end up making no decision because doing nothing feels safer.

    This has never mattered too much because most of the time I'm happy to let other people decide things for me and I go along with it. But right now I'm making one of the biggest decisions of my life when it comes to moving house - not only deciding which house to buy, which is a huge amount of money and has so many factors to consider for my future happiness for decades to come, but I'm also having to decide which town or city to move to.

    I've spent weeks catastrophising and imagining how much I will regret making one decision over another. Ultimately I find myself wishing it was out of my hands, as if I was a child and some adult would come along to sort it all out for me. But that's so ridiculous! I have a chance to do the right thing for me, but I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. I should be happy to be in charge of my own life but I hate it.

    I really can't handle making a decision of this scale and I just want it to be over.

Reply

  • I'm the same. I think it's partly the opposition to change. If I'm making a decision then I'm changing something in some small way, such as what I'll be doing on a particular day. A decision like what clothes to buy or even what to order in a restaurant is stressful for me, and I always feel like I've made the wrong choice afterwards. I tend to focus on the negatives, and often end up making no decision because doing nothing feels safer.

    This has never mattered too much because most of the time I'm happy to let other people decide things for me and I go along with it. But right now I'm making one of the biggest decisions of my life when it comes to moving house - not only deciding which house to buy, which is a huge amount of money and has so many factors to consider for my future happiness for decades to come, but I'm also having to decide which town or city to move to.

    I've spent weeks catastrophising and imagining how much I will regret making one decision over another. Ultimately I find myself wishing it was out of my hands, as if I was a child and some adult would come along to sort it all out for me. But that's so ridiculous! I have a chance to do the right thing for me, but I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. I should be happy to be in charge of my own life but I hate it.

    I really can't handle making a decision of this scale and I just want it to be over.

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