Burnout

Over the last couple of years I've been experiencing a lot of stress and some meltdowns (including one where I flipped and smashe dup a woodwork project I had been working on in frustration). I have quite a stressful job and am also nearly finished a qualification that I've been studying for years for and it's all getting a bit too much. I put myself under a lot of pressure to get my exams finished and out the way so I can go back to 'normal' (i.e. reclaim 10+ hours per week to pursue my hobbies and downtime, and take annual leave to relax and do stuff rather than to cram for exams). 

At work I feel completely useless at the moment - no motivation, complete brain fog and inability to make decisions or even just do the basic tasks I've written on my post-it note at the start of the day. Worryingly my memory and attention to detail are not what they used to be and that makes me concerned as well. I've got 3 more weeks until my exam (and then 6 more to wait for results) so I'm hoping that with a bit of time off to recover and the weight of exams off my shoulders (hopefully a bit of sunshine too) I might start to feel better.

Something I think is increasing stress for me is lack of time for my hobbies. Aside from my flip out I mentioned earlier, I find woodworking a really relaxing hobby and I feel really 'recharged' by spending time in the workshop at the weekend - much more so than if I had spent it doing nothing. Are you aware of things that help you to relax and that you can try to prioritise? 

I've also found that keeping a 'stress diary' has been helpful for me. Most of mine is work related - something goes wrong (mostly someone else making an error or not following processes and it ends up landing with me to go and sort out) and all my plans for the day go out the window. I kept a log of all these examples, and how much time I lost each time, then on a monthly basis I tried to group examples together and pick out 1 task or theme that I could either fix a process or go to a specific team to get them to resolve issues. It's hard to get this stuff going but it has helped to stop some of the most common issues from recurring, and kept me focused on the things I can control.

I think the best way forward in your situation is to stop reading papers about negative effects of burnout and other unhelpful things that add to your anxiety. Anxiety is like a snowball rolling down a hill which turns into an avalanche - worries tend to stick on top of existing worries, and in the end we are so overwhelmed that the anxiety consumes us completely. Meltdowns are normal for autistic people. I see meltdowns this way - it's like an emotional vomit. When we eat something bad, our body makes us throw up. I see meltdowns as a mechanism that helps us to get rid of all negative emotions that get stuck in our bodies. I see them as cleansing tool. Yes meltdowns can be unpleasant for people around us, and there is also shame and guilt we feel after a meltdown, but I think people should accept that we cannot control a meltdown. What helps me when I feel I am going in a burnout soon, is to try my best to reduce stress by taking care of myself first and foremost, and filtering my thoughts. When a negative thought enters my mind, I stop it on it's track by reminding myself that it's unhelpful thought that will cause more unwelcome thoughts coming in. I hope you feel better soon and people close to you will support you during this difficult time.

Thank you. It’s more a case of being overwhelmed by the amount of stressful stuff I’ve got going on and hopefully I’ll be back on the straight and narrow. I don’t mind a bit of stress it keeps me on my toes so to speak. 
I’m more worried about not making it through tbh. Since getting my diagnosis fairly recently, I’ve been reading about why I feel the way I feel atm and how autistic burnout can be life changing for some. 
Don’t get me wrong I’ve been stressed before and occasionally it’s been a case of a raging row with misses has led to me feeling ill for weeks. I never knew why but now I do  

What I’m experiencing atm is new to me, I feel like I do after a raging row but I’m not coming out of it due to the overwhelming stress I’m under. I’m not winging about the workload, but I am concerned about how I might be headed for what research papers call ‘autistic burnout’. The research papers mention severe long term damage and even mutism affects of autistic burnout of autistics. Is this something that happens a lot? Is it a well known phenomenon of our ‘issues’ or ‘wiring’? Am I being ott?

Autism is new to me and I’ve not been immersed in a world where I’d meet (knowingly) other autistics; like a lot of us, I didn’t find out until late on in life that there’s an explanation for my weirdness and social skill struggles etc. 

at the moment I’m being a complete *** to people I love and care for and they’re worried I’m losing my mind. I’ve been an *** to people I don’t even care about too but I’m not bothered about their feelings, that’s business.

I’m not sure I’m explaining it properly tbh, sorry. 

I would say the first step is find a way that can help you feel calm and give you a sense of comfort.

Then I would backtrack and try and find what started this, find the root of the stress. I think the pandemic has effected everyone’s behaviour, our world has evolved into a state people are not use to and we’re all now in the process of adapting to what state the pandemic has turned the world into. It’s possibly the changes that have occurred during lockdown that might be causing you stress.