Cant get a diagnosis

It took me two years to ask if I could be on the spectrum because I can get mindblank when I am nervous and seeing doctors and the experience of the waiting room etc means that I tried several times to ask but if I hit these mindblank walls I will shift to talk about something else (I had at least one other thing to talk about which I needed to find out about healthwize such as trying to describe what I now am 100% sure are shutdowns (Did not know they had a name before)... So I got no-where and said to myself "Forget it. I don't want to know about autism" (I can be like that where I will block out to avoid dealing with something that is not working). I had made the connections between autism via seeing a TV programme about it and also I happened to have been dating a lovely lady who was on the spectrum around 5 years ago. (Rarel have I ever dated anyone in my life as I seem to be not compatible somehow? I am single). I also had several occasions in the last decade or so of people asking if I was, or saying I was autistic which I denied as I knew nothing about what they were talking about.

Anyway. I happened to watch Youtube about faceblindness which I and my Mum can get. Prosopragnosia. There was one thing kept coming up called "Ask An Autistic". I wasnted nothing to do with looking at that! But after a four day binge watch of every single thing I could find about faceblindness on the wholw of Youtube with just 4 or 5 hour sleeps per day (I did say I was on a Youtube "Binge!") there was just this one thing left, so I gave in and watched it. I had to ask my doctor. (Very long story leading up to it of having a good 40 years in trying to find out wat was happening to me which I found out about two years ago were called shutdowns).

Sorry. I can't write straight to the point. I always write my lifes story to say a sentence. I am like that talking as well!

So I tried again to book an appointment to see my doctor and this time I asked my Mum to come in who also did not know much about autism so she did not think I was on the spectrum, but she had agreed to speak if I hit mindblank as I was determined to ask and get a "Yes" or a "No" answer. 

Well. It was a different lady doctor who I had not seen before but was well known for her short one word answers or questions as my neighbour has seen her. Trying to speak straight to the point will make me hit mindblank walls. 

Saw the doctor and she said her famous one word questions... "Symptoms?..." I hit mindblank. My Mum took over. We could not say much so the doctor had very little to go on but she said she would refer me but it was doubtful I would be accepted. 

I was accepted. The doctor referred me in april 2019 and I was accepted very early may 2019.

I am still on the list waiting to be assessed and I don't know when that will be.  Not sure how long the list is as they have said 2 years a few times but I know one person who waited six years (Was before our Welsh assembly gave additional funding to mental health services) and another who was assessed about a year ago after a three year wait so they are making great progress... But covid has delayed things which no one could have predicted. 

I assumed that doctors could simply say "Yes" or "No". :D  I wanted a "Yes" or a "No" answer because I have been struggling since 2007 when I hit some sort of burnout or breakdown and have had several since and in august/september 2019 I hit such a bad one that I have not worked since and it has effected my life. I am waiting to be assessed first because then I can work out if it was some sort of burnout or breakdown. I was left at one point standing there in a carpark having forgotton how to walk and I had to wait for other people to pass so I could watch them walk so I could work it out!

Anyway... 

I did join this site a little more then two years ago to try and find out what I found out to be shutdowns were. Not been on since but have found out during my time on another autism site. I did not remember my password so I have created a new account as the password recovery page did not work and says something went wrong. 

I put my last user name as my name as I do not want to use my real name. 

Part of why it has taken me so many years to find things out is it never occurred to me that mental can effect the physical as somehow (Maybe I am stupid not con ecting the dots earlier) I just did not realize. 

It took me two years to ask if I could be on the spectrum because I can get mindblank when I am nervous and seeing doctors and the experience of the waiting room etc means that I tried several times to ask but if I hit these mindblank walls I will shift to talk about something else (I had at least one other thing to talk about which I needed to find out about healthwize such as trying to describe what I now am 100% sure are shutdowns (Did not know they had a name before)... So I got no-where and said to myself "Forget it. I don't want to know about autism" (I can be like that where I will block out to avoid dealing with something that is not working). I had made the connections between autism via seeing a TV programme about it and also I happened to have been dating a lovely lady who was on the spectrum around 5 years ago. (Rarel have I ever dated anyone in my life as I seem to be not compatible somehow? I am single). I also had several occasions in the last decade or so of people asking if I was, or saying I was autistic which I denied as I knew nothing about what they were talking about.

Anyway. I happened to watch Youtube about faceblindness which I and my Mum can get. Prosopragnosia. There was one thing kept coming up called "Ask An Autistic". I wasnted nothing to do with looking at that! But after a four day binge watch of every single thing I could find about faceblindness on the wholw of Youtube with just 4 or 5 hour sleeps per day (I did say I was on a Youtube "Binge!") there was just this one thing left, so I gave in and watched it. I had to ask my doctor. (Very long story leading up to it of having a good 40 years in trying to find out wat was happening to me which I found out about two years ago were called shutdowns).

Sorry. I can't write straight to the point. I always write my lifes story to say a sentence. I am like that talking as well!

So I tried again to book an appointment to see my doctor and this time I asked my Mum to come in who also did not know much about autism so she did not think I was on the spectrum, but she had agreed to speak if I hit mindblank as I was determined to ask and get a "Yes" or a "No" answer. 

Well. It was a different lady doctor who I had not seen before but was well known for her short one word answers or questions as my neighbour has seen her. Trying to speak straight to the point will make me hit mindblank walls. 

Saw the doctor and she said her famous one word questions... "Symptoms?..." I hit mindblank. My Mum took over. We could not say much so the doctor had very little to go on but she said she would refer me but it was doubtful I would be accepted. 

I was accepted. The doctor referred me in april 2019 and I was accepted very early may 2019.

I am still on the list waiting to be assessed and I don't know when that will be.  Not sure how long the list is as they have said 2 years a few times but I know one person who waited six years (Was before our Welsh assembly gave additional funding to mental health services) and another who was assessed about a year ago after a three year wait so they are making great progress... But covid has delayed things which no one could have predicted. 

I assumed that doctors could simply say "Yes" or "No". :D  I wanted a "Yes" or a "No" answer because I have been struggling since 2007 when I hit some sort of burnout or breakdown and have had several since and in august/september 2019 I hit such a bad one that I have not worked since and it has effected my life. I am waiting to be assessed first because then I can work out if it was some sort of burnout or breakdown. I was left at one point standing there in a carpark having forgotton how to walk and I had to wait for other people to pass so I could watch them walk so I could work it out!

Anyway... 

I did join this site a little more then two years ago to try and find out what I found out to be shutdowns were. Not been on since but have found out during my time on another autism site. I did not remember my password so I have created a new account as the password recovery page did not work and says something went wrong. 

I put my last user name as my name as I do not want to use my real name. 

Part of why it has taken me so many years to find things out is it never occurred to me that mental can effect the physical as somehow (Maybe I am stupid not con ecting the dots earlier) I just did not realize. 

I have mindblank too, its just so frustratin trying to navigate life with autism