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Started the journey

Stimpson

Morning all.

Well I only went to see (phone call) the doctor yesterday! 

It felt like the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Just wanted to share what happened in case others are also going mad with the billions of thoughts going through your head of…. Am I autistic… and analysing everything you do and questioning why…

so I finally got the courage to call for an appointment - I only mentioned this was about me and autism. Current climate meant I got a phone call back (which I felt was better). Doc called and wanted just to talk through why I thought that there maybe a possibility I’m autistic or feel that way (I’m 46). I had already self analysed myself to death and been though the standard tests and scored relatively high. But I also made sure I could give specific examples over my life of how I felt. How I acted or should i say reacted to social situations. Etc etc etc… this was the best thing I did as I could open up and really talk about it all (although this was so hard talking about myself out loud - felt horrible but necessary).

he was really good and understanding. On the call for over 20 mins. Didn’t feel rushed. He said although he wasn’t an expert he had limited knowledge around the subject and was going to refer me.

as soon as I hung up there was a huge release of emotion. But I also felt that my mind was immediately able to process that something will happen. I can stop over processing this and try to relax my brain and get on with the day to day - which has been terrible for the last few months since the penny dropped over this. I know the process will take forever…. But it has to start sometime and I’ve taken that step. 

sorry for the long post.

Parents

  • Well done for taking the first step, I did exactly the same just before Christmas, I was full of dread and imposter syndrome. I made an appointment through the nhs app for a face to face, I have an issue with phones. I made bullet points so I didn’t seize. I think I blurted out 50 years of my jumbled life in about 10 minutes. I was apprehensive as my old doctor had just retired, I had the new young doctor, my son was on the money, he explained that the young doctor would be more open minded as he would have been to school with autistic people and also just be more open minded.

    The doctor fully agreed with me, I completed an aq10 questionnaire and sent it back. I had a nice text from him yesterday as he had remembered not to call me, I’ve got to collect a pack from his secretary when it’s ready and then he will refer me.

    I sat in the car after the appointment and actually  cried, a professional actually believes me!! I haven’t been a bad or crazy person all my life, always looking in from the outside like an alien. I’m angry with myself for struggling for so many years and never thinking there could be a reason.

    Good luck with your journey.

Reply

  • Well done for taking the first step, I did exactly the same just before Christmas, I was full of dread and imposter syndrome. I made an appointment through the nhs app for a face to face, I have an issue with phones. I made bullet points so I didn’t seize. I think I blurted out 50 years of my jumbled life in about 10 minutes. I was apprehensive as my old doctor had just retired, I had the new young doctor, my son was on the money, he explained that the young doctor would be more open minded as he would have been to school with autistic people and also just be more open minded.

    The doctor fully agreed with me, I completed an aq10 questionnaire and sent it back. I had a nice text from him yesterday as he had remembered not to call me, I’ve got to collect a pack from his secretary when it’s ready and then he will refer me.

    I sat in the car after the appointment and actually  cried, a professional actually believes me!! I haven’t been a bad or crazy person all my life, always looking in from the outside like an alien. I’m angry with myself for struggling for so many years and never thinking there could be a reason.

    Good luck with your journey.

Children
  • in reply to Roy

    Thanks for sharing that Roy.

    I was called back by another person from the mental health team the next day who went through the aq10 and talked through the reasons/struggles that I thought might be traits. She also agreed that it should be passed to the Autism team for diagnosis. not ashamed to say that a few tears were shed too!! 
    no mention of any packs etc but I’m sure things will be revealed when the Autism team get in touch….. however many months away that might be. 
    but it’s only been a few days since I made that call and already I’m starting to work on controlling all those thoughts and putting them into a box for the future… and to put my “happy shield” back on and get my mood back into a positive place. The last few months have been hell. 
    So glad I made that call and that an understanding person was listening!