Hi
I've been on a waiting list for an autism evaluation since June. It's in February, and I'm feeling less and less like it's worth it to spend a months paycheck on something that wouldn't change most of what I struggle with at all.
I've thought i might be autistic since I was like 15, I'm 22 now. I initially considered it because working at a summer camp for disabled kids, I found it so relaxing and couldn't figure out why the autistic 10 year old's the counselors told me were hard to handle/unpredictable were the most relatable people I'd ever met. Then it just kept happening, I'd meet people every once in a while and feel like i could talk to them and not feel confused and overwhelmed, or exhausted after 5 min. They all turned out to be autistic. I also went back and forth on researching and reading everything i could get my hands on, and it's always led to "oh *** this explains my entire life" before i feel silly and tell myself to stop thinking about it because I'm obviously making it up.
So, one reason i looked into a diagnosis was just validation. But, even if i have the money saved up, i could use it for so many other things than that. Then i thought I'd go to grad school, and could get accommodations. I already get them for ADHD though, and I'm so done with school that once i graduate there's no way I'm doing more school in the next 5 years, if ever. I wouldn't be comfortable talking to my job about it formal diagnosis or no. My family is either the same, and I've either mentioned this to my friends to get an opinion, or my friends are aware of my issues with sound lights/ needing explicit communication and they're fine with it regardless of what i call it. And for social issues in general, i don't see how a diagnosis would change that, even if i try to be optimistic.
The main reason I have left is mental health. I've been in and out of therapy/psych hospitals since i was 16. I've been diagnosed with half the DSM and never found it relevant or helpful, and half the stuff on my record got argued or taken off by other psychiatrists or therapists who saw me for longer than 20 minutes. Even with for example depression, which could be right because i feel like crap all the time and I'm exhausted no matter what i do, I've found resources on autistic burnout to be waaay more helpful all around than any advice or meds for depression. I've also been diagnosed with OCD despite not having any of the distress/ intrusive thoughts or anything. I just really like repeating things? But unless i was born with OCD it doesn't make sense. So I'm kind of hoping if a formal diagnosis was the result, it'd help me get relevant mental health help that doesn't involve therapists insisting i dislike parties because I'm scared of people and not bc you know,,, they're loud and bring and i don't understand what you're supposed to do at one.
Sorry this is so long. Honestly I guess I am leaning towards cancelling the appointment, but I've been waiting so long and i don't know everything so i wanted to get some other opinions first.
