Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone,
I've always struggled with decision making even over really little things. Once when I was a kid I broke down crying at the store because I couldn't decide between two toys I wanted when I only had enough money saved for one. I've taken to doing research for big, non spur of the moment purchases. And if I do find myself in a decision where I have to make a more or less uneducated choice I tend to list pros and cons and debate with myself for a really long time. Well, I guess I do that with educated decisions too. That's why I like things that are one of a kind, like books. If I don't get one on that trip, I'll go back for it later because no matter how much I read, I'll never read the exact same story twice so purchasing more of them is worth it. But two laptops, two beds, two tvs, two backpacks, etc... none of it is worth it. There's only so much money in the world.
Right now I'm prepping to make decisions about college. I'm based in the US and where you go for higher education can sometimes determine the path of the rest of your life and its a lot. I'm still waiting on acceptances from a few schools, but from one of the schools I have been accepted to has offered me a lot of money to go there. Great thing, right? Only it's not the college I really, really want to go to. I have so many things racing through my mind starting with "what if I'm not accepted into my top school?" And "what if they don't offer me as great of a scholarship?" And "what if I go to this other school but I end up not being happy?" And "What if I go to my dream school and spend all that money, but its not a dream come true?" It's a lot. I don't know how to manage all of it or how to make a decision in the end.
Does anyone have any decision making advice? Not about college, but in general, things that work for you. I'm willing to try just about anything except randomly choosing something. I'll probably have a break down if I randomly choose something. I don't want to spend the rest of my life struggling through hard decisions like this, getting anxious, sick, and fixated. I've tried asking my therapist, but she looks at everything through a trauma lens rather than a "me" lens. Therefore unless I'm having flashbacks or struggling a lot with my PTSD when I talk to her, she's very unhelpful.
Thank you. Sorry if I rambled too much.
Hi- I can relate to this so much - I struggle a lot with decision making- about small things or big things and it can cause a lot of anxiety. The hardest decisions are often those where all options seem good or all options bad. It’s harder to use logic then and overthinking can make it very hard to try and follow your instincts. There are a few things that help me though. I like to write down all the pros and cons for each option. Ideally do this relatively quickly without too much thinking while writing it down (you’ll probably already have done lots of thinking already)- I often do this on my phone while walking. Then I give each pro and con a score from 0 to 100 with 100 meaning it is extremely important and 0 being not important at all. Make sure there are no duplicate points in your list. Do this for all your options . The for each option add up all the scores for pros and add up all the cons. Substract the cons score from the pro score to give you an overall rating for esch option. - this can sometimes yield surprising results with 1 option scoring much higher or lower than all the others, even though I hadn’t realised before that there was a preference. The reason this approach can help is because you consider all the points and give them a rating/weight. If you just think through all the positives and negatives in your head it can be very overwhelming and hard to get the overall picture as there can be so many factors to consider. It can help to talk through it with others but I would be careful- because I realised that I can rationalise any choice and it might not be what I actually want- so if people don’t know me well they will think that is the option I want when in fact it might not be. It can help to talk to people you know well. also have you tried flipping a coin? I wouldn’t recommend using this to take final decision but sometimes when you do this you will find yourself hoping for a certain outcome or feeling disappointed or relieved depending on how it lands- this is a way to trick yourself into listening to your instinct. Also sometimes it can help to accumulate more information- i know people often say this is excessive and unnecessary but I have found that sometimes it is better to give in to that desire because ultimately it may speed things up and you will feel more informed and safer with your choice because you spent that extra time doing your research.
finally take a step away from the decision if you can. go for a walk, do something else. Sometimes this helps process things and you will be able to think more clearly.
not sure if any of this helps - it’s not like I am great at making decisions …I hope you make a choice you are happy with!! And finally, remember that there are few things that are irreversible. Someone said this to me once when agonising over a decision and it is true in a way or at least if one thing doesn’t work out there are always opportunities to change and try something else. As long as you do take a decision. I think the worst is when you end up paralysed and just don’t pick. You’ll feel better once you have made a choice!