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First Time Dating As Autistic Man

Jn91

Hi everyone. I need some advice really, I’ve met this guy who to be honest, is everything I would look for on paper. He couldn’t be nicer and so far has been understanding and accepting of me and my autism. He’s very keen to explore the possibility of a romance, I have admitted I have feelings at least for him, what I don’t know though is how to approach this dynamic, having never been in a relationship or properly dated before. I’ve always run away or shutdown these sort of things before because I got too overwhelmed and couldn’t cope with it. However, I feel I may not get a better guy than this particular one, he’s willing to try and help in any way he can with the process. I already know I can’t just jump into a relationship like NT’s do, it would need to be approached very differently, however there are two points I‘m stuck on:

1) How does he help me and improve his understanding of autism generally? 

2) How do I best approach it to protect my well-being and needs and how do I help him to understand Autism more too?


Id love some advice or some feedback from people who’ve gone through this themselves. Thanks very much for anything you can offer. 

  • in reply to Jn91

    Lol. Love the charging lion image and some folks do actively enjoy that, but you're right perhaps not in this case.

    Having lived a romantic life not knowing I was autistic for decades, you've got me thinking whether had I known would I ever have gone about it differently?

    I guess in your position, I'd let him know you might feel a bit overwhelmed, not to worry about it if you do as it won't mean he did anything wrong, and you are happy to answer any specific questions he has about autism. (I'm willing to bet, if he's keen, he'll be doing a bit of homework right now anyway).

    Pick somewhere quiet for a short first date and take it easy and see how it goes. A walk in the park and a coffee maybe.

    This could work out and he could be the love of your life, but if not, I promise it won't be the only shot at love you ever get, honest. 

    Good luck

  • in reply to Roswell

    Whilst the approach is admirable in principle, charging at him would probably result in a meltdown/shutdown, so I think I’d be looking for a more calm and sensibly planned route Joy I appreciate the words though 

  • Charge at him like a lion. Do not show any fear. Be bold. You will succeed. If you're going to win in this life... and you are... you have to do what you have to do. Just do it. You know they want you. Go for them.

  • Hello , thank you for sharing your points with the online community. You may find it useful to have a look at our autism page on our website which has a vast amount of information. The page contains information on the basics of what the autism spectrum is, how it's defined in a clinical sense, and the characteristics of autism: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism 

    I hope this helps.

    Best wishes,

    Anna Mod