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Working out my place on the spectrum

NAS76914

I’ve spent quite a bit of time talking about my son and how the world is going to be for him. I suppose it’s time I talked about myself.

I’m not diagnosed, but believe I am on the spectrum. My son has a severe diagnosis.

Looking back there’s a lot that happened that didn’t make sense at the time. When I was younger I was terrified of Drs and needles to the point where I would lash out as a child. I had be restrained at times to be knocked out for ops etc. This caused me shame looking back. To this day any form of Invasion worries me. I get claustrophobic with scans and unless I know exactly what’s going on I do get worried.

I realise that is the same in my personal life. I struggle massively if I don’t know something inside and out. I always try to be the best I can be at work. Maybe I have to be the best as If I don’t have that knowledge I’m not comfortable. Anything I don’t understand causes confusion or distress.

I can get very overwhelmed at times and get told off for being too stressed by family and my ex wife.

I have a new place now where I live with my son (I look after him full time as a single parent). I know where everything is or roughly where it should be and I’m happy with that. If I’m someplace new it’s hard as if I don’t know where things are it just makes things a bit tougher.

Looking back I’ve realised I’ve coped or masked most of my life.

Have some of you got adult diagnosis and are you parents? How did it make you feel and what were your worries before?

My worry is the world hasn’t moved on enough for my ability to parent not being questioned if I am diagnosed

Parents

  • Merry Christmas to you and your son.

    It's comforting to hear I'm not alone in my fear of Drs. I used to 'shut down' so completely as a child that they couldn't get me to respond to doctors at all. It was abject terror yet no one realised I was afraid. As an adult this flipped into melt down after melt down compounding my poor relationship with the medical profession. Mental Health abandoned me as unco-operative when none of their CBT therapies for NTs worked.

    Then, at 57, I worked out what these episodes and origins of my fears were. I was recently diagnosed ASD.

    As for your parenting, I certainly hope no one does question it. I raised a lad alone. He's NT; thrives on social interaction and super high EQ, but I see some of his logical thought processes and a few sensory glitches like mine. Those genes are kicking about there, I'm sure :-)

    But my son is hale and hearty and a lovely human being, so I guess I did just fine as an unwittingly autistic mum. I'm sure you do a great job too and being on the Spectrum yourself probably makes you a better dad to him, because you can 'get it' in a way an NT parent perhaps couldn't.

    All I can tell you is being autistic is no barrier to being a good parent. Whether you choose to go through an assessment yourself or not is a personal choice. You can always wait until your lad is older. 

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  • Merry Christmas to you and your son.

    It's comforting to hear I'm not alone in my fear of Drs. I used to 'shut down' so completely as a child that they couldn't get me to respond to doctors at all. It was abject terror yet no one realised I was afraid. As an adult this flipped into melt down after melt down compounding my poor relationship with the medical profession. Mental Health abandoned me as unco-operative when none of their CBT therapies for NTs worked.

    Then, at 57, I worked out what these episodes and origins of my fears were. I was recently diagnosed ASD.

    As for your parenting, I certainly hope no one does question it. I raised a lad alone. He's NT; thrives on social interaction and super high EQ, but I see some of his logical thought processes and a few sensory glitches like mine. Those genes are kicking about there, I'm sure :-)

    But my son is hale and hearty and a lovely human being, so I guess I did just fine as an unwittingly autistic mum. I'm sure you do a great job too and being on the Spectrum yourself probably makes you a better dad to him, because you can 'get it' in a way an NT parent perhaps couldn't.

    All I can tell you is being autistic is no barrier to being a good parent. Whether you choose to go through an assessment yourself or not is a personal choice. You can always wait until your lad is older. 

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