How to make friends

FRIENDS... what are they? Jokes aside, I actually gave up making friends  There is so many unspoken rules of friendship it's so confusing

FRIENDS... what are they? Jokes aside, I actually gave up making friends  There is so many unspoken rules of friendship it's so confusing

Yeah, that was my experience too. Fortunately whilst the words may be unspoken, the rules have been discovered, and written down many times over the years, and are there to be found, for those of us who didn't have them already "built in" though either nature or nurture.

One definition of a friend is "someone you can call at 03:00 and they will give you their time". (sounds more like samaritans if you ask me, but I know where he is coming from. Your friends strengthen your life and hopefully you give them your strength in return). 

Having Autism means I think process and react to the world differntly from the majority. My lack of interioception measn I don't always know what I am doing socially and as many of us know, if left uncorrected that state of affairs can lead to awful isolation from your fellows, with a seemingly unbridgeable gulf between you.

I obtained the single "yellow submarine" by the beatles when I was six or so years old, and on the B side is a song called "Eleanor Rigby", which talks about "All the lonely people, Where do they all come from?" Since I was already one of those at that point, (and about to get MUCH lonelier too, for a whole bunch of years!), I took note of those lyrics, and have tried to steer a different course.

Kiki cat's approach essentially is a good ditillation of what I have learned, although I've taken a more engineering approach, where I've obtained a more "how it works" approach to friendship. A part of "positivity" & consistency for me was found in obtaining a mechanistic understanding of how people relate from a variety of sources, as well as my oft mentioned Eric Berne book, and using that knowledge to help me execute my desire to be a useful and enjoyable human being. Kiki is also right, about teh vulnerabilty aspect, if you mention yoru lifes reverses to much, you can end up with friends who sudenly are NOT your friends when your life improves! (That happened to me in my late twenties).

The biggest way to lose a bunch of friends is to "change your life", and it can be a huge challenge to carry some much valued friendships though a house move, or a divorce or a new partner etc.