Good Morning all,
I am new to the NAS community and recently was diagnosed with an ASC, as such I have felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders in terms of explaining my past, however it has left me with more questions too, I have come from a rather traditional family who basically say "get on with it" or "we didn't have autism back in our day" type stuff as a means to justify their statements and who they are as a person which i guess is fine for them.
However for me, I am currently coming to the end of a L3 Business Admin Apprenticeship which personally I have never been bothered about the qualification, I took this job mainly because of societal and familial pressure to conform and work, I have found this really hard, whereby i have had numerous meltdowns at work (for clarification I am the typical trio of Autism, Depression and Anxiety) due to the stress of lots of things, the working hours of full time i.e. the 8 hours analogy of 8 hours work 8 hrs sleep and 8hrs play which we all know isnt true but i digress,
I have noticed many stressors as of recently which I will bullet point because for the life of me i cannot formulate a sentence with these.
- Fear of the unknown (if I leave my job early)
- Societal pressures on being a young male with the expectation of working, providing for a family, having housing / kids etc.
- Familial pressures - Family putting undue pressure to conform and "not be like them" or to "be like them" in certain cases
- Financial pressures
- Relationships - Romantic and social
- My future and where I see myself (this is a massive part because i dont even know what i want!)
There are probably more but I cant think for the life of me, however I want to elaborate on the last point, I am currently in what I call and identity crisis, I dont know what I want from life or where I see myself in the future, all I know is I REALLY enjoy gaming, but that is it, it is my only interest, this feeds into family pressuring me to hold down a job and be a functioning member of society and contribute financially to the household, which in turn hampers my ability to find my own housing and enjoy a solitary lifestyle
I feel bad for my mother as she must feel hopeless in understanding why I am as I am, but I cannot explain it either, there seems to be no support and I have been so unlucky that any support service I go under, goes bust or has funding pulled away and I get left in limbo, so right now I dont know how to move forward or what decisions to take.
For example right now im torn between two things;
Full time apprenticeship which ends in January at £1,300 per month pay, however involves me being awake at 5:45 and i get home at 4:00 so I have hardly any me time
Part time Work from Home job at estimated £900 Per month, but is less hours in the day, I deal with less travel which in turn saves me money and saves me from having to keep holding up my mask to pretend im fine on the bus and no travel time so more time is reclaimed for me to be me, the caveat is this would be a kickstarter job and only funded for 6 months but the company have stated they are willing to extend to permanent contracts for the right people.
What should I do? as I dont want to cause any aggression at home or be a burden..
I apologize if this is not clear, please let me know if I have completely missed the mark, but if you have had these issues or feeling of an identity crisis, please share your experience.
