I've been quiet on the forum over the past couple of months, but life is starting to settle down and I look forward to participating more now.
I did want to say a public word of thanks though to the many of you who answered so many questions for me when I was first reeling from the shock that there was a possibility I was on the spectrum a few months ago. I have learned so much from you all.
So, big update: I am autistic. I was assessed and diagnosed yesterday at the Lorna Wing Centre. For anyone waiting for an assessment there. They are lovely and will put you at ease. They are also VERY thorough and you can have complete confidence that whatever is there, they will find.
Even though something in me knew what the outcome would be, I had prepared myself for a response that said I didn't hit all of the criteria or perhaps that I had some different problem but with a big sensory processing issue. But I was right. I am autistic and I'm delighted with the diagnosis.
I feel now I can relax into and enjoy the all the good stuff that comes with the terrain. I'm just praying that the services can now help me with the things that aren't so good - actually in my case potentially life threatening, as all those sensory difficulties lie behind medical and body phobias that make it so difficult to treat me for anything.
I began this year in very deep psychological distress because of medical treatment and the total failure of the medical profession or mental health services to understand what I was going through with consequent dismissiveness and other attitudes making it worse. And of course, the worst distress of all for me is that I just didn't understand why I was going into meltdown after meltdown because of it. I didn't know what was happening to me.
I do NOW and it makes perfect sense and THAT is half the battle to feeling better. The rest will come when the medical professionals wrap their heads around the problem too.
Relieved and delighted as I am, I am sad and more than a little cross however that no one I dealt with ever considered that there might be a reason none of the so-called MH therapies were working and that perhaps I wasn't just an unco-operative patient who didn't want to get better. I am where I am because I researched and researched online, considering every psychological disorder in the book - nothing fit - until I read the NAS descriptor of a melt down and worked it out from there. I've had to pursue the diagnosis myself and pay because my problem is too urgent to wait two years on an NHS list. I am not just sad and cross for me, I am sad and cross for the many out there who might not have the skill to research their own problems and who are left dumped in an uncaring mental health system with no support, or who can research it but can't afford to pay for an assessment or convince anybody they need an assessment.
Good luck to all of you out there who are currently still waiting for an assessment, whether your answer is autism or something else which gets you on the road to the help you need. I wish you all the very best and thank you so much to the many who were there for me.
