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I need serious help

NAS76239

I really struggle with my autism symptoms, I can't cook or clean by myself, I struggle with sensory issues and have daily meltdowns. Because I am a woman I'm very good at masking although it's incredibly draining and I've just barely recovered from another two month long sickness period due to autism burnout. Work is very difficult but my only other choice is not being able to pay bills, which is no choice really. During my difficult period we went to the GP for help who could offer nothing, they referred us to CMHT who have now discharged us twice after acknowledging that yes I do need help with my autism but they have neither the knowledge nor funding to offer me any help. In 2019 I was awarded social care to help me around the house. After two and a half years of waiting for this and constant delays, they have finally come back and said actually they can't offer me anything in the evenings or weekends which is the only time I'm available due to work, but they can offer someone to come round one afternoon a week four four weeks (as opposed to the original year I was offered) to help me make posters as prompts, which on their own will do nothing for me. I feel like I'm out of options. My local autism specific centre, Autism Wessex, can offer me nothing as they have said they only offer basic guidance. I feel trapped, my work won't honour my reasonable adjustments no matter how many times I tell them and HR that I struggle badly with phones, I just get told 'well we all have to do things we don't want to do' and 'It's all part of the job.' Me and my carer are struggling under the amount of housework that is piling up, he's in desperate need of respite, I desperately want to get through the laundry, and to be quite honest this has all been really detrimental to my mental health. I was diagnosed at 15 and since then it's been ten years of yes, we know you'll struggle, but we can't do anything about it.

What do I do? Where do I go for help? How do I actually just live without this constant pain and stress and depression?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Parents

  • I'm at work at the moment and ridiculously busy, but I'll try and get back later in the day, I'm sure others will also offer solutions. Can you tell me what it is about household chores that you struggle with? I used to have a lot of issues but I found that it was all about dealing with the little tasks rather than focusing on one big job. If you can give specifics, we can all tell you how we make these things work. It may help you to figure out a solution for yourself. Laundry for example. Is it the washing, the drying, the ironing? Is it getting it organised in order to do it? It's all simple in an NT's hands. They probably don't think about it. For us it takes more work and planning. If you can figure out what the challenges are specifically, you can either work around them or find a way do them differently. I can't even start on the work issues. I have so many of my own, I'd by typing for hours. Just know that they will only get good work out of you if they find ways to work with you. If they keep stressing you out, they are only going to make their own lives difficult in the long run. 

Reply

  • I'm at work at the moment and ridiculously busy, but I'll try and get back later in the day, I'm sure others will also offer solutions. Can you tell me what it is about household chores that you struggle with? I used to have a lot of issues but I found that it was all about dealing with the little tasks rather than focusing on one big job. If you can give specifics, we can all tell you how we make these things work. It may help you to figure out a solution for yourself. Laundry for example. Is it the washing, the drying, the ironing? Is it getting it organised in order to do it? It's all simple in an NT's hands. They probably don't think about it. For us it takes more work and planning. If you can figure out what the challenges are specifically, you can either work around them or find a way do them differently. I can't even start on the work issues. I have so many of my own, I'd by typing for hours. Just know that they will only get good work out of you if they find ways to work with you. If they keep stressing you out, they are only going to make their own lives difficult in the long run. 

Children
  • in reply to Loz

    By the end of the day I am so exhausted that I find it really difficult to do anything. I definitely am aware of the need to break it down in to smaller tasks, but I don't know how to even start. I mean, in my head there's a logical voice which knows exactly what to do, but I physically cannot make my body do it, and if I can actually manage to do it for some reason my body will often stop working midway through the task and I can't finish it, leaving even more work for my carer. If I do manage to get through the job there's still a hundred more things that need doing and I'm just not contributing as much as a partner should to the household! It's very frustrating.