Post lockdown life

It does . And people expect you to be the same as you were before you found out you were autistic. I.e. keep pushing on. I do think I have a higher tolerance than others for putting up with feeling like crap but it's probably because my base level is different so I'm already starting off higher than others but don't realise it.

Now I feel I'm growing soft because I'm like "actually I need to rest" or "actually I don't want to do that". Others who I would assume to not be autistic seem to take time off over least little things. 

That is so true! If you find out you are autistic later in life  I think you are just so used to pushing yourself beyond the point of what you can cope with cos you feel thats what you need to do if that makes sense. Then we find out what we are its a hard habit to break 

I know I am way to hard on myself 

Just walk around with your elbows out. Or be one of those people who walks with their umbrella moving forwards and backwards as they walk. Thatll give you a bit of room :-)  are you a key worker?

So are you a teacher? That's nice you have an understanding family and boss. Me too. I think we are way too harsh on ourselves a lot of the time. I think with "high functioning" and late diagnosis, we are used to keep pushing through without realising the detrimental effect. 

My family are really understanding. They dont expect too much of me. They are used to me having meltdowns and breakdowns anyway

What you said was really helpful I will try to do that. I work in quite a tough envioronment which doesnt help either. I mean my boss is so understanding but as you know education can be very demanding 

I loved empty streets on a way to work, Now I have to push through again

You say you have family so I think that makes it harder as there's a certain level of expectation. 

I don't know what else to suggest really, but no one can change things except yourself.  Even if it's just little bits during the day like "I'm going to have a break now for 5 minutes" and do it.

Thank you, that's really helpful. You are so right about those things that dont matter. Its just tough when you have a whole world and workplace that keep telling you they do.

I will try and remind myself of that and take care of myself more 

Me too a bit. Its hard but take a step back. Remind yourself of things from lockdown.

I keep having to remind myself it doesn't matter if I haven't got all my resources printed off for my lessons. Or if I get to work late. I don't just need to "pop out" for bits from the supermarket.  If I'm really tired, I  need to rest. I'm trying to listen to my body more. I don't go out into the madness of Saturdays unless it's absolutely necessary. If I don't feel right, I need to stop and reassess.

I got my diagnosis in lockdown and finished CBT.  Lockdown gave me space I didn't know I needed. I was able to start afresh when we came out of lockdown knowing I was on the spectrum. It's hard but I have to remind myself of things every day. 

There's only you who can change it for you.

It's also general demands of the day. E.g. Now I have to remember to make my lunch and take it with me. I have about 15 Minutes to wolf it down. I have to get in my car and drive to work. I have to make myself presentable every day! All these "unecessary" things which demand our concentration and energy didn't really matter in lockdown.

I just feel like I have gone back to trying and stressing over all the things I realised didnt matter during lockdown 

I think as well, because shopping had to be more structured with more rules that EVERYONE had to follow,  everyone knew what they were doing. It was less "random" and less busy. 

Billy87 said:

I agree that we have lost the lessons of lockdown though. I hate the stresses and strains of normal life. I hate how busy it is. I told myself I would never go back to "normal life" but I have and I hate it

I feel this has happened to me too. Although I have made a slight change with work, which is actually giving me more to do, but it's a slightly different angle so makes it more interesting and enjoyable.

I liked lockdown in some ways. I was fortunate enough to be living with my wife, son and parents during the first lockdown. We played games in the garden every day and when we were allowed when the rules eased we went and fed the ducks.

However I suffer with crippling anxiety so a global pandemic was the worst thing possible for that. During the first lockdown i was terrified of covid and during the second one I was terrified of what the government would do. It made me take my anxiety out on my family sometimes which I felt terrible about

Working online was very stressful too

I agree that we have lost the lessons of lockdown though. I hate the stresses and strains of normal life. I hate how busy it is. I told myself I would never go back to "normal life" but I have and I hate it

Yes there was definitely less pressure.

Solitude. Something people don't value enough.

I think at times during lockdown I felt freer than I ever have.

I completely agree with you! Lockdown life was so much easier. And it was like a pressure was taken off. And it was so quiet.

I wasn't a complete derp during lockdown. My confinement was eased with my Artist Friend being my Support Bubble.

Plus, I did enjoy solitude on the bus to Belfast, a few times. Even getting trains to Bangor and Holywood, from Belfast.

Freedom is essential.

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

I think this is a case of using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut.

Can you elaborate?

If life was more evened out,we wouldn't feel a need for a holiday. 

I loved traveling by bus in lockdown.

The whole bus to myself!   

Now I have to share it with the plebs.

Yes I agree I'm taking this viewpoint from a privileged perspective. I was able to continue with my work and didn't lose any loved ones to covid. I was able to exercise and go in my garden. Work wasn't exactly easy during lockdown,  it took time to adjust but things were more on my terms. 

It's just....it showed a bit of a different way of life. My manager was saying she couldn't wait for things to get back to normal....I spoke with a counsellor who said we can get used to being stuck in a lockdown bubble. I disagreed with this although didn't say so. Just because there's a certain way of doing things, it doesn't necessarily mean it's the right way for everyone.

I got covid when lockdiwn totalky ended. It's made me wonder why it's acceptable to say for example, "I'm still fatigued from covid....I still have anxiety about it" but  it seems less acceptable to say "I'm fatigued and anxious from life in general". That won't get you a day off work but somehow people seem to be more understanding if it's attributed to covid. 

Edit - in addition I feel those who I know who are content with life managed well in lockdown. Whereas those who were constantly striving for more more more, but couldnt have it, were maybe the ones who found it more difficult.