It's only really been about 2 months since everything in my life has gone back to complete pre lockdown levels. I feel myself struggling with the pace of life and expectation again. I'm more aware of what makes me tick now, since I got my diagnosis during peak lockdown. It just feels like a run away train which won't stop and despite restrictions, I prefered lockdown life, it was easier.
I liked lockdown in some ways. I was fortunate enough to be living with my wife, son and parents during the first lockdown. We played games in the garden every day and when we were allowed when the rules eased we went and fed the ducks.
However I suffer with crippling anxiety so a global pandemic was the worst thing possible for that. During the first lockdown i was terrified of covid and during the second one I was terrified of what the government would do. It made me take my anxiety out on my family sometimes which I felt terrible about
Working online was very stressful too
I agree that we have lost the lessons of lockdown though. I hate the stresses and strains of normal life. I hate how busy it is. I told myself I would never go back to "normal life" but I have and I hate it
I agree that we have lost the lessons of lockdown though. I hate the stresses and strains of normal life. I hate how busy it is. I told myself I would never go back to "normal life" but I have and I hate it
I feel this has happened to me too. Although I have made a slight change with work, which is actually giving me more to do, but it's a slightly different angle so makes it more interesting and enjoyable.
I just feel like I have gone back to trying and stressing over all the things I realised didnt matter during lockdown
I just feel like I have gone back to trying and stressing over all the things I realised didnt matter during lockdown
A toolbox I like that!
I sometimes think of it as a framework that we build where we can hang different parts of our lives on in an order that makes sense.
It's hard when you don't realise you need to take action though! That's what got me into a mess in thr first place.
I like to think of things like a toolbox where we have strategies to help us manage our mental health.
Don't feel guilty for taking time off!
Thats true! I take less time off work than most of my collegues but I still feel guilty and afraid when I do.
Its not soft to need a rest, you are doing the right thing to look after yourself. I need to do the same
It does . And people expect you to be the same as you were before you found out you were autistic. I.e. keep pushing on. I do think I have a higher tolerance than others for putting up with feeling like crap but it's probably because my base level is different so I'm already starting off higher than others but don't realise it.
Now I feel I'm growing soft because I'm like "actually I need to rest" or "actually I don't want to do that". Others who I would assume to not be autistic seem to take time off over least little things.
That is so true! If you find out you are autistic later in life I think you are just so used to pushing yourself beyond the point of what you can cope with cos you feel thats what you need to do if that makes sense. Then we find out what we are its a hard habit to break
I know I am way to hard on myself
So are you a teacher? That's nice you have an understanding family and boss. Me too. I think we are way too harsh on ourselves a lot of the time. I think with "high functioning" and late diagnosis, we are used to keep pushing through without realising the detrimental effect.
My family are really understanding. They dont expect too much of me. They are used to me having meltdowns and breakdowns anyway
What you said was really helpful I will try to do that. I work in quite a tough envioronment which doesnt help either. I mean my boss is so understanding but as you know education can be very demanding
You say you have family so I think that makes it harder as there's a certain level of expectation.
I don't know what else to suggest really, but no one can change things except yourself. Even if it's just little bits during the day like "I'm going to have a break now for 5 minutes" and do it.
Thank you, that's really helpful. You are so right about those things that dont matter. Its just tough when you have a whole world and workplace that keep telling you they do.
I will try and remind myself of that and take care of myself more
Me too a bit. Its hard but take a step back. Remind yourself of things from lockdown.
I keep having to remind myself it doesn't matter if I haven't got all my resources printed off for my lessons. Or if I get to work late. I don't just need to "pop out" for bits from the supermarket. If I'm really tired, I need to rest. I'm trying to listen to my body more. I don't go out into the madness of Saturdays unless it's absolutely necessary. If I don't feel right, I need to stop and reassess.
I got my diagnosis in lockdown and finished CBT. Lockdown gave me space I didn't know I needed. I was able to start afresh when we came out of lockdown knowing I was on the spectrum. It's hard but I have to remind myself of things every day.
There's only you who can change it for you.
It's also general demands of the day. E.g. Now I have to remember to make my lunch and take it with me. I have about 15 Minutes to wolf it down. I have to get in my car and drive to work. I have to make myself presentable every day! All these "unecessary" things which demand our concentration and energy didn't really matter in lockdown.
