Autistic parent? Please help

Not quite the same situation as you but I’m 69 and have been married for nearly 50 years to my husband who I now suspect has Asperger’s.  Life with him has been very up and down and we’re still together, I think,  mainly because of the compromises I’ve made in our lifestyle.  We rarely socialise, we have no joint friends and his special interests are solitary activities - computer and reading - which don’t include me.  Like you, I’m exhausted, and often lonely.  I was 15 when we met, so I have grown up and grown old with his ASD quirks, routines, fixations and difficulties in social situations. Living with undiagnosed ASD is hard but when you love the person there seems to be no way out.  
For me at the moment, I am reading as much as I can about what it’s like to be Autistic so that I can put myself in his shoes.  It certainly helps to get an understanding of why the person does what they do.  If your mum has ASD she won’t be able to see your point of view in many situations because she doesn’t think like you.  I’m not sure what research you’ve done so far but some of the books written by partners of people with ASD may be helpful.  I’ve just finished “Alone Together” by Katrin Bentley which was helpful and Professor  Tony Attwood has some interesting videos on his website.

It’s not that autistic people can’t take another’s point of view, autistic people can recognise that accepting another’s point of view is not the best option nor good for them and actually sometimes hurts them.

Concerning compromising, that’s actually very hypocritical of non autistic people because if non autistic people were compromising we wouldn’t be living in an inherently ableist world with people thinking it’s better for autistic people to do everything the same way as non autistic people. Going shopping for example, so many autistic people over sensitive to lights and sound are forced to go to shopping stores to find themselves bombarded with bright lights and loud noises put in physical pain because the non autistic people in the family think their way is better even though it hurts the autistic one. That’s exactly why they refuse to accept so many points of view, because they know it hurts them physically and mentally.

Anyone who would put themselves in an autistic person’s shoes would describe non autistic people as plain hypocritical. Like when an autistic person misunderstands a non autistic person it’s a deficit, but when a non autistic person misunderstands an autistic person it’s so natural and not a deficit at all.

It’s not that autistic people can’t take another’s point of view, autistic people can recognise that accepting another’s point of view is not the best option nor good for them and actually sometimes hurts them.

Concerning compromising, that’s actually very hypocritical of non autistic people because if non autistic people were compromising we wouldn’t be living in an inherently ableist world with people thinking it’s better for autistic people to do everything the same way as non autistic people. Going shopping for example, so many autistic people over sensitive to lights and sound are forced to go to shopping stores to find themselves bombarded with bright lights and loud noises put in physical pain because the non autistic people in the family think their way is better even though it hurts the autistic one. That’s exactly why they refuse to accept so many points of view, because they know it hurts them physically and mentally.

Anyone who would put themselves in an autistic person’s shoes would describe non autistic people as plain hypocritical. Like when an autistic person misunderstands a non autistic person it’s a deficit, but when a non autistic person misunderstands an autistic person it’s so natural and not a deficit at all.