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Supporting an autistic spouse - help and advice wanted

GV19

Hello

I am reaching out to ask for advice and guidance in order to best support my wife. she is currently going through the process of referral with the goal to receive a diagnosis. Whilst she does not currently have a diagnosis, she is going through an identity change and trying to make sense of everything in of herself. Naturally, this has created some distance as we both try to manoeuvre through the changes that this has had on our lives. I want to support her as best I can and have offered freedom, adjustments etc.

I am conscious that I do not want to be overbearing by constantly checking how she is feeling, but at the same time I struggle sometimes to read her and don't want to come across like I don't care.

Looing for any and all advice that you can offer

Many thanks in advance

Parents

  • I may not be much help to you but thank you for your post. I am now referred to a 3 year wait list for diagnosis and trying to navigate the mine field of how to 'unmask' around my significant other. We have found together (I also have a great deal of this > she does not like the sensation that she is being watched and analysed) is that I just blurt out bluntly whatever I have an issue with/feel odd about and we work backwards to thoughts and feelings slowly afterward. That gives him a heads up there is something that I need to voice, without me having to go into over-analyse mode and explain what it is (usually I have no idea till hours/days later) without him feeling the need to check in regularly. It also takes a lot on his part to grin and bear the random outbursts I have when I don't understand something, or if a noise or light is bothering me. No idea if this will work in the long run, or if it will help you. Hope you find something that helps both of you find peace within the turmoil.

    I have gone somewhat into obsessing and researching and my s/o helps ground me, helps remind me that no matter the outcome, or the process, he is there for me if I need him. This alone means I often don't (in a good way).

    On another note, this post has made me realise that maybe he needs support too, in dealing with the changes, that I possibly can't give him. Laughing

  • in reply to Basementcat

    Thank you for your response

    I can resonate as my wife is extremely analytical and loves research, to the point where she will not stop until she feels she has all bases covered.

    Your point about not knowing until hours/days later is one I will consider, as this is something I maybe do not appreciate fully as an NT.

    All the best

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  • in reply to Basementcat

    Thank you for your response

    I can resonate as my wife is extremely analytical and loves research, to the point where she will not stop until she feels she has all bases covered.

    Your point about not knowing until hours/days later is one I will consider, as this is something I maybe do not appreciate fully as an NT.

    All the best

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