Hi,
I'm new to the NAS community and I'm hoping for some advice or shared experiences. My partner is on the spectrum (mild - diagnosed 1 year into the relationship, almost 4 years ago) and through a lot of couples therapy and discussions we have agreed that in order to stay together and achieve our relationship goals there is a need for downtime, where he is alone uniterruptedly. We live together in my house but he has his own which is used as an office since COVID and to spend time alone. In the medium term we want to make the move to living in just one house and also start a family.
I recognise and he has communicated his need to spend time on his own and how when this is not possible, his anxieties exacerbate and he is not able to make big decisions or cope with big changes.
Up until now he was spending 1 or 2 nights a month away and we are looking to increase this to twice a week and protect weekends together. I am looking to find people who are experiencing something similar to learn what does that look like in practice. I am also looking for people who perhaps do live from one home with their autistic partners (if there is a term that people prefer please correct me) how do they buld in 'downtime'.
If anyone reading his is either autistic or neurotypical and is in a relationship or have children, I would be really keen to hear and learn from you on what downtime looks like, do people spend nights away in hotels/airbnbs, go away on trips? If people have children, how does that work? Does downtime always have to be completely away from family? What environments are suitable for this, etc. Can one build 'micro-downtime'? Is that a thing?
I love my partner so much and we both want the same things and build a life together, but we have hit lots of bumps on the road because of the difficulties autism brings to decision making and adjusting to big changes. So I want to make sure we can find a solution that works for him and for our relationship. I want him to be happy and support him in any way I can.
Also if anyone could signpost me to support groups for neurotypical partners I'd be really grateful.
Thank you