Micro-meltdowns

I am having such bad meltdowns at the moment 

I don't know what a meltdown is. But I feel like sometimes if things don't happen how I expect, my brain can't compute.

Not in my case, I'm 60 and only have meltdowns lasting less than a minute, and I've had them from childhood. There seems to be no progressive factor for me, they have not become any more frequent either.

I think meltdowns - of whatever scale - are caused by lack of resilience. The disorganised brain struggles to stabilise. Sometimes it is a short period of realignment (following minor meltdown, shutdown, breakdown). Sometimes it is longer - the common factor is that this disruption is always always there and is going to happen. There is a correspondingly growing problem with meso and macro meltdowns. I suspect that once you have passed a certain type or phase you will always go forward to larger scale melt/shut/break. It's like a rip that cant be eradicated - maybe patched up or repaired but the precedent is already in place and you cant go back to pre-crisis, just try to avoid the experience of it in the future. It's a kind of hell. 

depends what they class as a meltdown these days.

i guess for the claim that it lasts hours to days, they are perhaps adding the negative feelings and pissyness as part of the meltdown too which i wouldnt class as the meltdown. the meltdown is class as the peak, push over the edge that first makes you paralysed with so many thoughts and options and responses in your head and leads you to possibly even snap uncontrolably in such a way you destroy something or punch someone in the face mostly against your will as if your body did it by response itself. then ofcourse youd be thinking and dwelling on it for days or weeks after, which i guess theyd class that part as meltdown too but id rather not. therefore id say meltdown is the peak and only lasts as you say a minute or a few seconds, as it is the peak blow off point, and peak blow offs dont last for a long time, otherwise they wouldnt be a peak blow off/meltdown. and how it gets to that peak blow off is probably due to holding so many things in rather than being open and letting it out gradually. therefore being long term pissy and negative and bad would be preventing a meltdown/blow off because that is letting it our gradually rather than exploding it all at once.

Me too. I have been in trouble at work (before diagnosis) with it because people thought I was talking nasty to them

I talk too loud; was always an issue, both at school and as an adult.

A while before I was diagnosed I used to get into trouble at work because when I got really stressed and in public (on the shop floor) I used to have screaming fits because nobody understood. I haven't had any episodes like that for a while.

yes I'm like you, I only have mine in private. I get pissed off or sometimes just very upset for a few minutes (crying and whatnot). and then get over it and go grab something to eat. when I'm out with friends or in public and feeling pissed off, I go silent.

when I used to live with my parents, I was pushed into having a meltdown so many times (it's like they liked it). i would try to be silent and shut down, but i was just pushed and pushed. then everyone would just be screaming and shouting just full of rage. I hated it every time and I'd be depressed for like a week afterwards.

i even had a psychotic experience during the second month of lockdown, when I was trapped with them all day every day. it was the weirdest time in my life which ended more aggressively than it should have, because of my ignorant parents.

but i haven't been like this in front of anyone else, or since escaping their household (hallelujah )

I sometimes get that and it usually happens when I'm stressed and if I get too stressed I have the urge to bash the side of my head a few times. If I get anymore stressed I do it.

It happened today. I was looking for my spectacles. I searched everywhere several times and it got to the point in question. All this lasted about 30 minutes

I have to wear my spare pair now

Yes - I meant it is essentially a private and not a public event. The dog is not a public forum. But the pressure has to be released  eventuallyat some point. The tension is not peacefully resolved - which makes it necessary and involuntary and unwelcome. 

I do not think that this is a global explanation, as I have never had a meltdown that anyone else has seen. I therefore can entirely control the direction of the episode, shut down or meltdown, depending if anyone else is present. I think the meltdown is like a pressure-release valve, but I can override it until I can let it off in the safety of solitude. I would be mortified if anyone saw me in that state, even if it lasted only a few seconds.

I think the cause is lack of resilience and inability to control behaviour even voluntarily. 

I have meltdown and they can last from just 30 seconds or so up to an hour depending how bad they are. I find it also depends whether I can take myself away from the situation that has caused the meltdown. If I can it will be shorter and if I cant it will be longer

Interesting to find out that someone else has these short duration episodes. For me it seems like I have absolutely no ability whatsoever to cope with a situation, usually very trivial, and I either briefly shut down or erupt in a spasm of violent action - hitting the wall , thumping the side of my head or biting something very hard. This seems to immediately restore me to a calm state, like resetting a switch. It is very odd, like losing control, but not losing control at the same time. The worst damage I have ever done to myself is minor bruising.

Thank you for raising this issue. I get these bery brief meltdowns. They are small scale and happen because I have no reserves of energy to cope. Eg last week I had no energy left and the dog got under my feet as I tried to get out to go to a meeting. I shouted at the dog - who I love intensely and who loves me back with some intensity. Some might call it a temper tantrum or a rage. But I know it was more than that. They are solitary rather than 'social' - shutdowns are my big feature behaviour. Meltdowns maybe happen when (because?) I am prevented from shutting down. 

My rage was inside the car.

Similar issue this morning, while driving to town to pay my accountant for the Tax Return form. However, it worked out perfectly. I saw an old man I knew from the Mid Morning Bus to town and lifted him back to his home.

Every cloud has a silver lining. :)

But how long did it last? The closest I have ever come to a public meltdown was in IKEA. IKEA stores should be forced to display a public health warning. I just about held it together, I would never consider going to one again.

I had a meltdown last Tuesday; negotiating the Jungle that is Home Bargains during a Half-Term period. Fear of clipping someone's Wingmirror paralysed me. But I survived.