Recently diagnosed: struggling to accept

After about 20 years of thinking I might be autistic I was diagnosed earlier this week. Leading up to the assessment I was worried I was just being a hypochondriac and was fairly convinced I would not be diagnosed.   Anyway I was. (It was private but at a reputable place with a clinical psychologist- I did my research) 

After the initial relief,  I’m now in a spiral of obsessive checking and reading of autism related articles/books etc to convince myself the diagnosis is correct. Basically back to square one. 

My brain is saying to just live my normal routine for a few weeks and experience my normal life with this new perspective (I’m off work til next week so I don’t really have to do anything) and also wait for the written report which won’t be ready for a few weeks.

But I just can’t seem to do the logical thing. I keep ruminating about not having enough restricted behaviours or sensory issues to meet the criteria . (There is no doubt whatsoever about the social interaction side!!!)  I feel kind of paralysed and I can’t keep off the Internet. 

Is this sort of thing common? Can anyone relate? 

Parents
  • Hello

    I was diagnosed a few months ago at the age of 55.

    For most of my life I have felt there was something wrong. All my friends in middle and high school were getting girlfriends and I wasn't. All my life it has been the same; no girlfriend. No sex either. I've always wanted either but preferably both. Before being diagnosed I felt it was just bad luck and hopefully things will change but after, it has now told me why and it is not being unlucky but it is me. I now don't like me. In my mind it is telling me to give up trying for either but I am struggling. Sometimes, such as now, I feel I cannot cope and end up scouring the internet hoping to find answers. Hence finding this forum

Reply
  • Hello

    I was diagnosed a few months ago at the age of 55.

    For most of my life I have felt there was something wrong. All my friends in middle and high school were getting girlfriends and I wasn't. All my life it has been the same; no girlfriend. No sex either. I've always wanted either but preferably both. Before being diagnosed I felt it was just bad luck and hopefully things will change but after, it has now told me why and it is not being unlucky but it is me. I now don't like me. In my mind it is telling me to give up trying for either but I am struggling. Sometimes, such as now, I feel I cannot cope and end up scouring the internet hoping to find answers. Hence finding this forum

Children
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