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Recently diagnosed: struggling to accept

NAS75891

After about 20 years of thinking I might be autistic I was diagnosed earlier this week. Leading up to the assessment I was worried I was just being a hypochondriac and was fairly convinced I would not be diagnosed.   Anyway I was. (It was private but at a reputable place with a clinical psychologist- I did my research) 

After the initial relief,  I’m now in a spiral of obsessive checking and reading of autism related articles/books etc to convince myself the diagnosis is correct. Basically back to square one. 

My brain is saying to just live my normal routine for a few weeks and experience my normal life with this new perspective (I’m off work til next week so I don’t really have to do anything) and also wait for the written report which won’t be ready for a few weeks.

But I just can’t seem to do the logical thing. I keep ruminating about not having enough restricted behaviours or sensory issues to meet the criteria . (There is no doubt whatsoever about the social interaction side!!!)  I feel kind of paralysed and I can’t keep off the Internet. 

Is this sort of thing common? Can anyone relate? 

Parents

  • Hello there,

    I can relate to this.It's a sort of imposter syndrome coupled with bereavement of your old self.

    I am also recently diagnosed via the private route. It's a bit of a shock to the system to hear a professional, trained and experienced psychologist confirm what you've suspected. My summary looks a bit bleak but remember when you get yours that it's been written by someone with a psychologist's 'eye' so you don't need to share it too much with anyone if you don't want to. Remember also that symptoms or traits can fluctuate according to the environment you're in and how you're feeling on any particular day.

    Take a rest from trawling the internet though; King Lear/Shakespeare nailed that feeling with '...that way madness lies..." unending research leads to relentless worry and it doesn't do us any good.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.

    Pegasus.

Reply

  • Hello there,

    I can relate to this.It's a sort of imposter syndrome coupled with bereavement of your old self.

    I am also recently diagnosed via the private route. It's a bit of a shock to the system to hear a professional, trained and experienced psychologist confirm what you've suspected. My summary looks a bit bleak but remember when you get yours that it's been written by someone with a psychologist's 'eye' so you don't need to share it too much with anyone if you don't want to. Remember also that symptoms or traits can fluctuate according to the environment you're in and how you're feeling on any particular day.

    Take a rest from trawling the internet though; King Lear/Shakespeare nailed that feeling with '...that way madness lies..." unending research leads to relentless worry and it doesn't do us any good.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.

    Pegasus.

Children