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Meltdown depressive state

Watchman

Hi all,

I'm a 51 year-old man, diagnosed with ASD about a year ago. Makes sense in a lot of ways, but I am struggling to know who I am now.

That's maybe for another day.

Anyway, I am in a pattern now that is destructive and risky.

Sometimes, I make my wife cross/ upset, and then I get very upset very quickly in the argument. This then spirals down into a very dark place, complete with worthlessness and suicidal thoughts. I have done some mild self-harming in this state, but have not yet attempted suicide. 

I do suffer from anxiety and mild depression, mostly controlled by Citalopram (40mg per day).

It feels like it's a meltdown with a very specific pattern. I do have meltdowns at other times, but those aren't usually too bad, and I am usually fine after a while given some time and peace and quiet.

I have been seeking help for a number of years, and have been passed between the ASD service and several other teams at my local MH trust, but I don't fit anyone's criteria, and the adult ASD service doesn't have any therapeutic offerings.

Any thoughts would be very welcome! 

Parents

  • i am like u. i can swing from ok to self destructive after an argument/ discussion which i loose say with management/ online discussions ! 

    its as if i am ready to swing to the dark side when i cant deal with certain things

    i have been using meditation to get a hold of my thoughts or i should say let them pass. This helped but sometimes i still swing to the darkside where anything can happen.

    BTW i stopped drinking completely and that helped 

    my favourite (zen/buddhist) mantra is "only say something when u have something really useful to say" 

    i worked out that when i enter an argument the outcome is already pre-determined by me to go bad.

    once u realise this I  can watch myself more closely and instead pre-think a good outcome " how can i learn from this mistake ".

    it works sometimes

Reply

  • i am like u. i can swing from ok to self destructive after an argument/ discussion which i loose say with management/ online discussions ! 

    its as if i am ready to swing to the dark side when i cant deal with certain things

    i have been using meditation to get a hold of my thoughts or i should say let them pass. This helped but sometimes i still swing to the darkside where anything can happen.

    BTW i stopped drinking completely and that helped 

    my favourite (zen/buddhist) mantra is "only say something when u have something really useful to say" 

    i worked out that when i enter an argument the outcome is already pre-determined by me to go bad.

    once u realise this I  can watch myself more closely and instead pre-think a good outcome " how can i learn from this mistake ".

    it works sometimes

Children
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