Empathy

I haven't read any books about empathy myself, but I have found over time reading or watching fiction and observing what the people around you do you can notice patterns in action and behavior. Watch for patterns of what they do before an emotional state happens so you can try to provide comfort earlier. for comfort types that they need you will need to watch what comfort they provide to others in a similar situation(with this make sure it's comfort they would provide to someone in a similar relationship or lower than what you have with them. IE: you may provide a romantic partner with a kiss in some situations but you will not provide this to a friend or acquaintance but you can provide a hug to all as long as they like hugs) .

You may not understand why said person is sad or happy but you may become more able to recognize that they are, and what actions are best for you to do in those situations.

Usually it's sadness that people don't think you are empathetic enough,

when someone shows sadness usually a feminine person would require a hug (you can simply ask would you like a hug) or just someone to listen to them talk about their problems and provide reassurance that everything will be ok, you don't need to sole the problem(you can say something like I'm here if you would like to talk about what happened), if they don't require any of these leaving them alone for a while to calm their emotions can also work(you can say something like I'll give you some time and when you are ready I'm happy to listen or we can do something else together)

While a masculine person would require whatever problem caused their sadness solved(Anything you can do to help solve the issue that has upset them or refer them to someone you think can help with their problem) or something else to do to distract them from their problem(think of something fun they like to do that you can do with them) and again if they don't require any of these leaving them alone for a while to calm their emotions can also work(you can say something like I'll give you some time and when you are ready I'm happy to listen or we can do something else together)

Not with all but with some people, they may also like food & drink, a item of comfort that they can cuddle or a pen and paper to write or draw their emotions into.

As long as you are trying to provide comfort to them or giving them space as required it's ok. Practice is a big part of it, empathy comes from the want and need to provide comfort or help to someone you like to be around. Though it is commonly thought by most you don't actually need to understand why they are feeling the way they are you just need to try to provide a response appropriate to the person in some form of comfort, support, space to think or a solution.

If it's someone you know well and you feel comfortable to do so you can ask them when they are in a non overly emotional state what type of comforts they like when they are in a particular emotional state to be even more prepared. You could also ask them what comforts they provide or would recommend you to provide  to others either in general or perhaps a particular person you both know.

If there's someone you don't know well you may not want to ask them but if you feel comfortable to do so first explain why you want to understand then ask something like "if you are happy to talk about it with me can you tell me what type of comforts you like in certain situations"

There's nothing wrong with asking, most people especially people that you know well will be more understanding and happy to talk with you about it. Just make sure to respect If someone say's that they don't want to talk about it with you and don't keep asking them unless they happen to bring up the topic later.

I haven't read any books about empathy myself, but I have found over time reading or watching fiction and observing what the people around you do you can notice patterns in action and behavior. Watch for patterns of what they do before an emotional state happens so you can try to provide comfort earlier. for comfort types that they need you will need to watch what comfort they provide to others in a similar situation(with this make sure it's comfort they would provide to someone in a similar relationship or lower than what you have with them. IE: you may provide a romantic partner with a kiss in some situations but you will not provide this to a friend or acquaintance but you can provide a hug to all as long as they like hugs) .

You may not understand why said person is sad or happy but you may become more able to recognize that they are, and what actions are best for you to do in those situations.

Usually it's sadness that people don't think you are empathetic enough,

when someone shows sadness usually a feminine person would require a hug (you can simply ask would you like a hug) or just someone to listen to them talk about their problems and provide reassurance that everything will be ok, you don't need to sole the problem(you can say something like I'm here if you would like to talk about what happened), if they don't require any of these leaving them alone for a while to calm their emotions can also work(you can say something like I'll give you some time and when you are ready I'm happy to listen or we can do something else together)

While a masculine person would require whatever problem caused their sadness solved(Anything you can do to help solve the issue that has upset them or refer them to someone you think can help with their problem) or something else to do to distract them from their problem(think of something fun they like to do that you can do with them) and again if they don't require any of these leaving them alone for a while to calm their emotions can also work(you can say something like I'll give you some time and when you are ready I'm happy to listen or we can do something else together)

Not with all but with some people, they may also like food & drink, a item of comfort that they can cuddle or a pen and paper to write or draw their emotions into.

As long as you are trying to provide comfort to them or giving them space as required it's ok. Practice is a big part of it, empathy comes from the want and need to provide comfort or help to someone you like to be around. Though it is commonly thought by most you don't actually need to understand why they are feeling the way they are you just need to try to provide a response appropriate to the person in some form of comfort, support, space to think or a solution.

If it's someone you know well and you feel comfortable to do so you can ask them when they are in a non overly emotional state what type of comforts they like when they are in a particular emotional state to be even more prepared. You could also ask them what comforts they provide or would recommend you to provide  to others either in general or perhaps a particular person you both know.

If there's someone you don't know well you may not want to ask them but if you feel comfortable to do so first explain why you want to understand then ask something like "if you are happy to talk about it with me can you tell me what type of comforts you like in certain situations"

There's nothing wrong with asking, most people especially people that you know well will be more understanding and happy to talk with you about it. Just make sure to respect If someone say's that they don't want to talk about it with you and don't keep asking them unless they happen to bring up the topic later.