Relationship Advice?

Hiya, I'm kinda new to this so forgive me... I'm not sure if this is an Autism thing or not it just seems to be a recurring thing.

So I've been in a relationship now for just over six months. I've had previous relationships too and I get so far in and it always falls apart. There's a lot more ins and outs but I can't find the words to put them in text at the minute but right now, I'm having a huge battle in my head... Basically my boyfriend lives a while away and we only get to see each other on weekends at the minute but prior to that he basically lived with me - he was staying at my house for a week at a time at least and going home for a couple of days before coming back again. With this in mind, I'm very much ready for him to move in now (despite only being 6 months in) and he often changes his mind as to whether or not he also wants to, but I get over excited about the idea of him moving in, like really, really excited and I start to plan everything and where his things will fit in with my things and what days we will have takeaway or board games or movies and putting up the Christmas decorations and all the teenie tiny details like I really go to town on planning what life would be like if he moved in. But then he changes his mind again and of course I spiral and have what I've always called a meltdown (I suppose it just looks like a tantrum in my case... Excessive crying etc.), rationally, I do understand his point of view but I become so absorbed in the moment that I lose some sort of sense of reality and become what I would imagine pretty overwhelming and somewhat annoying. But I also hate him leaving (understandable in any relationship with any person, but bare with me) and try every avenue to accommodate him staying over an extra night or whatever the situation. But then I get myself all worked up have more meltdowns because I feel like I'm too much, too complicated etc. and everything flips and I want to distance myself and give him space and time but then get myself upset and have a meltdown about that too and I just feel like I'm in constant war with myself and it's exhausting but I can't seem to control it. But I try talking about it but I can't seem to make sense with myself to actually tell him my thought process but even still I don't know how to fix it, is it something that I can fix or is it just a thing I need to learn to live with and cope with better? Is even a thing or am I just being dramatic? I've just always felt like I find relationships extra hard work, like I have always been told that relationships take work, but everyone else seems to cope so much better than I do, or I just struggle to internalise my emotions more than others. Slightly separate but similar topic... I feel embarrassed to say but I've always found that (having spoken to friends) other people are much more sexually driven than myself, I know everyone is different, but I suppose the most common way of saying it is I don't really get the hype - I enjoy it but I don't really get much of a drive for it like my partner or other friends that I talk to. My partner has made me feel much more comfortable in this department compared to previous partners, but even still - whether I just overstress too much about it but I struggle to reach orgasm when with my partner. I can, but it takes a lot to get there and a lot of work from myself, while most of my friends reach it quite easily. 

  1. Apologies for such an essay, I suppose I'd just like to know if there are other people with the same issues and whether it's another link - I'm not massively clued up on ASD, I've done a little bit of research and I'm just trying to explore other possible links as I do have a number of autistic traits and have had a referral sent off. I've not really found much on relationships that I can relate to, I wasn't sure if this is just a me thing or an ASD thing. Any advice is welcome I'm just curious and trying to understand myself a bit more.
Parents
  • I think you definitley sound autistic, I dont think you need to worry about "faking it"

    Also your meltdowns are never tantrums, please never think that. They are something that is not your fault and you cant control. I used to blame myself for my meltdowns and think it made me immiture or weak but it doesnt at all, it is just a symptom of our condition.

    Do you mind me asking if your boyfriend is, for want of a better word, "normal"? I always struggled in relationships with normal people and did all the things you are doing now. 

    If he is the right person for you he will understand and bear with you through all this and support you with it

    I have been trhough some awful relationships but then I found my wife and she understands and supports my autism. She is not autistic herself but she has some similar needs of her own which makes her more patient I guess

    Not sure what to say about the whole moving in together thing but I hope it works out and you are happy either way. Just please believe that your feelings and reactions are not something to blame yourself for 

Reply
  • I think you definitley sound autistic, I dont think you need to worry about "faking it"

    Also your meltdowns are never tantrums, please never think that. They are something that is not your fault and you cant control. I used to blame myself for my meltdowns and think it made me immiture or weak but it doesnt at all, it is just a symptom of our condition.

    Do you mind me asking if your boyfriend is, for want of a better word, "normal"? I always struggled in relationships with normal people and did all the things you are doing now. 

    If he is the right person for you he will understand and bear with you through all this and support you with it

    I have been trhough some awful relationships but then I found my wife and she understands and supports my autism. She is not autistic herself but she has some similar needs of her own which makes her more patient I guess

    Not sure what to say about the whole moving in together thing but I hope it works out and you are happy either way. Just please believe that your feelings and reactions are not something to blame yourself for 

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