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Help Please

NAS75723

Hi, I am very glad to have found this refuge,

Can anyone offer any pointers? My husband maybe high functioning autistic and masks it well. He was promoted at work to team leader today and an hour into the shadowing of another team leader he has had a meltdown and resigned hastily. He successfully completed 2 days training last week. This is the second job he has done this on. The first time he lasted half an hour before any training. But it was the computer screens with the new layout and boxes with many conversations happening fast on both occassions that triggered it. Sensory overload?

From what I can gather, it's the change, the many different screens with new info on that does it. He won't give himself a proper chance to learn, goes into a black and white mindset - fight or flight - and just needs the situation to go away - It's a 'I can't' coupled with wanting to get back to the comfort of what he does know and so resigns.

We are not surviving so well on minimum wage so it really is impacting us.

I have no idea what to do. If I was working, it wouldn't have such a negative impact. I don't even dare to feel my feelings on this.

  • Hi there. 

    Has your husband had a medical diagnosis? This can be helpful as it means he is legally entitled to reasonable adjustments because he is autistic - if he is comfortable about a) having a medical diagnosis and b)using reasonable adjustments. 

    The NAS also have a employment advisor. I have not used them, but maybe other people here can advise.

    I hope things improve for you both.

    Mrs Snooks

  • in reply to NAS75723

    are u saying he follows a Zen practice ? 

    its true the label autism wont fix things but at least you are given some room by employers to make mistakes thats all.

    sorry i didnt mean to make his panic attacks appear minor, they are quite serious and when in this state he is completely lost.

    talk to him about hii feeling before during and after a panic attack.

    1. get him to practice box breathing or similar breathing techniques each day so when a panic attack happens he can deploy the technique.    once u face down a win against a panic attack its the path to a better life.

    2. get him into anti anxiety - self hypnosis and/or guided meditations free from youtube 

    i  ave these tools ready to deploy at any moment ---- i carry a small MP3 player loaded with such audios that i can use when needed.

  • in reply to aidie

    Hi aidie,

    He is a home worker and has been for years.  I think this has helped him a great deal. 

    I also believe he is having panic attacks. He gets explosive, aggressive outbursts and its difficult to discuss calmly.  He thinks he will just forget all about this and play on social media forever more whilst on minimum wage pretending one day that he will make a living off it. After 15 years of what I think is now autistic behaviour on online affiliate schemes, and making pennies I am at the end of my tether. 

    He was shadowing a team leader and said his brain just wouldn't take in any of the information.  The more he tried the worse it got.  He just came to the conclusion after one hour into the 8 hour shadowing shift that he couldn't do the job.   His managers see him as capable and intelligent and thought of him first for this promotion. When it gets to that stage, it takes him  hours for his brain to start working again. 5 minutes wouldn't do the job. 

    I expect he would be great at it after he got into his new routine.  I showed him some autistic footage of patterns on youtube and he said it really helped him calm his brain down because it couldn't find any patterns.  There must be more tools like this?

    Low self-esteem, panic need to be helped. I think he also has symmetry OCD as he talks about keeping 'balance' in his head and using hand twitches even though this doesn't show up in keeping the place clean and tidy. His office is chaos.

    I have seen this time and again, new campaigns at work cause this reaction also, and he appears to have little self awareness of any of this.  When joining the dots or patterns up, he gets angry. Likes to keep everything separate in the moment and just talk of Now.  One of the masks I believe to disguise it has been Zen. He says he doesn't see the point in the label 'autism'. That it won't change anything. The more I mull over my 25 years of being married to him and his decision we wouldn't be having children, the more I think it's ruined our lives. 

    Possibly, with the right tools to support, he can learn to be a team leader, I don't know.  That isn't the best job maybe.  It's not the minimum wage I mind it's all the bills and chaos that comes with not having enough financially. 'heating or eating'.

  • yes ---- a new application can be very scary indeed ---- i face this one each new project

    was there other people there watching him ---- i find that ups my self consciousness and cause me to think too quick

    so i work better on my own where i dont have to rush or perform quickly in front of other people

    this could be just me 

    ( I believe ) he is having a panic attack and must resist these at all costs  ---- or achieve work arounds like "give me 5 minutes to refresh my mind then i will demo this "