Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone! This is all new to me! I have recently self identified as autistic at 56. I have been referred to and accepted by the autism assessment team but there is a 3 1/2 year waiting list. Since the penny dropped, I have become increasingly scared, bewildered, angry, depressed, feeling defective, and that my entire life has been a lie. I am I assume, high functioning, I have a masters degree, I have had good jobs, I have brought up a child alone whilst doing all of the above. At the moment I feel like I have opened pandoras box and really want to put the lid back on as I really don't like what's in it! I also feel like a bit of a fake in that I've got this far without any problems but realising that actually, I've always had problems. I guess I just want someone to say this is all normal? Thank you for reading!
we are similar in that we both got to Masters level and found out after raising kids that i was autistic.
your early life isnt a lie. I think my mums plan to just ignore the doctors and raise me as a 'Normal' kid meant i never felt different and so attempted everything.
your reaction is indeed normal ----- my mind folded in on itself when i was diagnosed ( by accident ) ---- i was unstable for 6 -9 months. I defo felt a fraud.
But only last month a nurse ( a ward sister! ) said " yea i knew u where autistic ". She was autistic as well ! we had such a long talk about our stories, our matching fingernail colours, and had a good laugh. I also got my own private room !
i stopped drinking and started meditation/mindfulness/The Tao/Zen etc and this basically calmed me down, reduced anxiety/depression and allowed me to control more of what was going on in my head.