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Any advice?

Ladybird

Maybe I’ll describe the situation first.

I had to drive somewhere and I was prepared (street view, sat nav, I knew where to park and where the alternative car park is, had my debit card and some money for the car park machine).

I drove, I parked the car and then I couldn’t pay because the machine didn’t want to accept my card. The screen was scratched, I couldn’t read it. And I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do, I kept pacing between my car and the machine with tears in my eyes.

Eventually I did calm down and managed to pay but I realised that situation like that are the reason I’m often scared to venture to the world, hiding in my own house. Because I’m scared that I might freak out and I might not know what to do and nobody will help me and I will be stuck and distressed and everyone will look at me but nobody will do anything, apart from laughing.

So, what do you do in situations like that? How do you help yourself? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hiding and avoiding things but I’m afraid I might freak out in public. And what should I do if I do?

Parents

  • My advice would be to be kinder to yourself and stop giving yourself a hard time over it. Accept it, embrace it as part of who you are and then maybe view it is as nothing more than a quirk. I would say that the problem is not how you re-act, but the way you are viewing how you re-act.

    You are the one who is putting pressure on yourself. If you just allowed yourself to be, without the judgement, you may find it doesn't happen half as much, and if it does, it doesn't last long because you're not feeding it with more anxiety and more fear.

    Imagine how you would treat someone else who you saw doing the same thing. I'm sure you would seek to reassure them and help them rather than criticise them and try to get them to stop doing it. Be that person for yourself.

  • in reply to ☕Tassimo ☕

    Yes, you’re right. It’s just easier said than done. I know how irrational I can act sometimes and I’m sure it must look weird/awful to other people. But maybe it’s just me. And I’m used to giving myself hard time for years. 

  • in reply to Ladybird

    A good way to start is by talking to and about ourselves in a kinder, more balanced way. This is how I would approach how you've described yourself, just as an example.

    Ladybird said:
    I know how irrational I can act sometimes


    I act irrational sometimes and I’m okay with that.

    Ladybird said:
    I’m sure it must look weird/awful to other people


    It may look weird/awful to other people, but I can't be sure it does. I'm only assuming that. In fact, it might look reassuring to other people. If they are feeling the same way about things and are unable to express how they feel, by seeing me, it might be give them permission to feel too.

    Ladybird said:
    I’m used to giving myself hard time for years. 


    I've been giving myself hard time for years about it, but now I'm much more kinder and understanding about myself


    Just by being more balanced in the way we talk ourselves can be enough to transform our experiences. It's not about lying to ourselves with positive affirmations, it's just about being more balanced (and often kinder) in how we view ourselves.  Trash-talking ourselves is a habit that has formed over many years. It will take time for us to break the habit. 

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