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Family support after late diagnosis

BlueRay

I have a dilemma, I don’t know whether to continue suffering in silence so I can have at least some time with my family or call it a day and just walk away? 


For people with a late diagnosis - have your family members learned all about autism so they know how to better support you etc or are they like mine and have basically ignored it completely and still continue to treat my autism as bad behaviour etc and if so, what have you done about it? For example, I really want my family to at least learn the basics of autism so they could at least give me some consideration now and again but after 5 years I realise they’re not going to do that so I feel like walking away from them - it would stop all the hours I spend obsessing about it and getting upset about it but a part of me wants to keep hanging on, for any little chance I get to spend time with them - in a way it feels like I’m in an abusive relationship which makes sense of me not wanting to let it go as I clung on to an abusive romantic relationship for way longer than I should have done.

I’d love to know how other people have dealt with this.

Parents

  • You could give them an ultimatum, say to them that you have a major problem, being autistic, and it is being made worse by another major problem, them ignoring that you are autistic, and that if they are unwilling to learn about autism you will be seriously considering severing relations with them. I would do this in as unconfrontational a manner as possible, by email or letter, rather than in person. In your message include information about autism or links to such information and say that if they are unwilling to engage with this information you will assume that they do not wish for any future meaningful relationship with you.

  • in reply to Martin

    Yes, I like this, thank you. 

    When I got my diagnosis, about 5 years ago now, I asked if we could all meet at my mum’s for tea so we could discuss my diagnosis but only my sister and her husband turned up and nobody would speak about the diagnosis - I think they must have thought it was a celebration or something, a bit like a birthday party, so I left their house that day suicidal but the good news is, that’s how I found this website. 

    I have tried several times to get them to at least acknowledge that I’m autistic and may struggle with some things but the only time my sister acknowledged it was to tell me I could go to her daughters wedding but even though I’m autistic I had to remember it was her special day - as if I was going to try and steal the limelight or something which would be a nightmare even if I could do that, as I don’t like to be in any limelight! 

    Reading your comments & writing my reply has made me realise that I’ve been trying to get them to give me some acknowledgment ever since I got my diagnosis and they’ve done nothing about it so I think it’s time for me to write the letter but it’s not an ultimatum, it will be my goodbye. If my niece (the most favoured one) had a baby that was autistic, I know 100% they’d all be learning all about autism so they can support the child, yet they’ve made no attempts to learn about it with me and they still continue to have a go at me for basically being autistic. 

    Thank you. This is very upsetting but it’s only upsetting when I have anything to do with them so I think it’s time to bite the bullet and get this over and done with once and for all. 

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  • in reply to Martin

    Yes, I like this, thank you. 

    When I got my diagnosis, about 5 years ago now, I asked if we could all meet at my mum’s for tea so we could discuss my diagnosis but only my sister and her husband turned up and nobody would speak about the diagnosis - I think they must have thought it was a celebration or something, a bit like a birthday party, so I left their house that day suicidal but the good news is, that’s how I found this website. 

    I have tried several times to get them to at least acknowledge that I’m autistic and may struggle with some things but the only time my sister acknowledged it was to tell me I could go to her daughters wedding but even though I’m autistic I had to remember it was her special day - as if I was going to try and steal the limelight or something which would be a nightmare even if I could do that, as I don’t like to be in any limelight! 

    Reading your comments & writing my reply has made me realise that I’ve been trying to get them to give me some acknowledgment ever since I got my diagnosis and they’ve done nothing about it so I think it’s time for me to write the letter but it’s not an ultimatum, it will be my goodbye. If my niece (the most favoured one) had a baby that was autistic, I know 100% they’d all be learning all about autism so they can support the child, yet they’ve made no attempts to learn about it with me and they still continue to have a go at me for basically being autistic. 

    Thank you. This is very upsetting but it’s only upsetting when I have anything to do with them so I think it’s time to bite the bullet and get this over and done with once and for all. 

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